A cure for aggression, or How not to beat your child?
You grab your baby and start pounding furiously. A drum roll sounds in my head, thoughts rush through: “Lord, what am I doing ?! She's a child. These are just toys. " But the job has already been done. The baby is crying hysterically on the floor, screaming that she is in pain. You turn to her with eyes full of hatred and, as if making excuses, yell: "You are to blame, there was nothing to provoke me" …
“Lord, what is it? I can't take it anymore! Why are you so stubborn ?! Or are you just dumb and don't understand what I'm telling you? If you don't understand, then you need to put in a good belt. Now you will get it so that it will not seem a little. What are you running into? Put away toys! I ask you for the last time! Or do you think that I will do it for you? Do not even hope! If you don’t want to clean it up, I’ll take a big bag right now, collect everything in one pile and put it in the trash. Are you smiling? Oh you…"
You grab your baby and start pounding furiously. A drum roll sounds in my head, thoughts rush through: “Lord, what am I doing ?! She's a child. These are just toys. " But the job has already been done. The baby is crying hysterically on the floor, screaming that she is in pain. You turn to her with eyes full of hatred and, as if justifying yourself, yell: "You are to blame, there was nothing to provoke me."
The toys remain uncleared. You leave the room with a feeling of complete helplessness, slamming the door loudly so as not to see or hear the crying of children. Then you start washing all the dishes in the sink or ironing the linen or cleaning the floors, in general, doing something physically in order to somehow recover, calm down.
You try to justify yourself mentally, but common sense insists on its own. Something is wrong with you. You love your child. Love more than anything else. You have been looking forward to her appearance in your life. And you seem to be doing everything right to educate her. But when she doesn't listen, there is a click in her head, and from a caring mommy you turn into a monster, like in horror films.
Is there a one-size-fits-all advice for all moms?
What do modern psychologists usually advise us in such situations? For example, try to direct the aggression towards the child in a different direction. In particular, it is proposed to hit children's toys, a pillow, a wall, or when an attack of aggression begins to work through unpleasant thoughts, feelings and memories.
Or even create a calendar that encourages you to mark the days when you break loose and yell at your child to see the emotional background created for your child's growth. It is also suggested to reward yourself for every day without yelling and banging, for example, an unscheduled trip to a beauty salon or a massage session.
However, all of these tips have one major drawback: they don't work in practice. Because they in no way eliminate the cause of your state of mind, but only offer to somehow lower the amplitude of its expression.
And at that moment, when another attack of aggression towards the child rolls over you, it becomes completely impossible to stop, even for a while and, for example, go to another room to begin to comprehend what is happening. Even when there is an understanding in the head that this is wrong and the child does not at all deserve such an attitude towards himself, the hand still goes up and you start beating him.
Why am I hitting my child?
To understand in reality what exactly is happening to us and why we cannot control ourselves in such situations, the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan helps us. It helps a person find the cause of his bad conditions and eliminate them. Following the cause, the effect also leaves.
System-vector psychology introduces the concept of eight vectors. A vector is a set of innate mental properties and desires, It determines how we see and perceive this world, a system of values, talents and abilities, behavior and reactions, a life scenario. One person can have one or more vectors. The properties embedded in us are capable of developing until the end of adolescence. And after puberty, we implement them all our lives.
In this situation, we are interested in the owners of the anal vector. It should be noted that people with an anal vector have a lot of wonderful qualities and talents in their luggage. Potentially, they make the world's best husbands and wives, fathers and mothers.
Loyalty, honesty, decency, justice, friendship, respect, honor - all this is also included in the value system of people with an anal vector. Analytical ability, tendency to systematization, good memory are also their distinctive features.
However, in each vector there may be frustrations due to the lack of sufficient realization of its innate properties. In the anal vector, the lack of realization can be expressed through the manifestation of uncontrolled aggression.
What is the reason for the aggression?
The fact is that today it is not easy for owners of the anal vector to be thorough and unhurried by nature to fit into the fast, rhythmic skin phase of human development. Anal values: honor, respect, straightforwardness, nepotism no longer play the same role in the world of individualism, consumption, flexibility and material success.
And this means that the owners of the anal vector often feel unclaimed, since they are far from always able to show their natural properties to the proper extent. Lack of full-fledged realization at work and in society, unfulfilled desires, feelings of powerlessness, resentment towards life, sexual dissatisfaction often force a person to manifest negative states outward, in relation to others. Most often, our loved ones suffer from these "outbursts" of negativity, with whom the contact occurs most closely, and of course the most defenseless are our children.
As a rule, mothers, owners of the anal vector, pour out their bad conditions on their beloved children. It can be verbal sadism: shouts, humiliation, insults, and direct assault. At first, these are spanking, then, on the rise, a strong painful squeeze of the arm or elbow, tugging at the hand, then on the rise, beating, punches on the back and the back of the head, an attempt to strangle.
The consequences of whipping for a skin child, or How to raise a thief
The consequences for a child are different, depending on his vector set, but always tragic. For children with a cutaneous vector, systematic humiliation and beatings are a "guarantee" of the development of a masochistic scenario and a life scenario for failure, a tendency to steal.
The dermal child is the most adaptive, he adapts the fastest to any, even negative changes. In response to humiliation and pain, his body produces natural opiates. To mitigate suffering. And then the child already unconsciously strives to repeat a similar experience of receiving opiates. To receive the next "dose", he can even provoke parents and others to punishment. So, gradually he learns to take pleasure in pain and humiliation, unconsciously searches for them in his life and successfully finds them.
As a result, in adulthood, he receives an inability to arrange his life, constant problems with work, a partner in pair relations, and attracting various troubles to himself. Broken skin girls can even become prostitutes, boys - thieves and "losers".
The consequences of whipping for a child with an anal vector. When Life is in the past
Broken children with an anal vector, who in their potential are the most obedient children on earth, are a guaranteed resentment against you for life. Most of these children carry this feeling into old age. Over time, this resentment is overgrown with a number of other claims to you personally, to society as a whole, and can crush your child with its burden for life.
Such a person will not be able to adequately assess the world around him. And the severity of the grievances that the owner of the anal vector cannot forget, because he has the best memory in the world, will not allow him to live normally and move into the future. He can turn into a person who sits on the couch, constantly grumbles and takes offense, or even hatches plans for revenge. In a word, he does anything, but does not live a full life.
In addition, in boys with an anal vector, resentment towards the mother is often transferred to all women, which makes it impossible to create a harmonious relationship with his wife. It will be bad a priori. After all, he "knows all of them, they are all the same."
Do you want to prevent your child from developing? Beat him
A broken child loses the ability to develop his properties, because he does not feel the most important thing from his mother. It is a sense of security and safety. This is a basic feeling, the most important thing that parents should give their children.
When parents raise a hand to a child, he loses this sense of security and safety. This is stress, a severe trauma from which he stops developing.
And in order to regain a sense of security and safety, the baby is forced to prematurely fulfill its specific role. Moreover, he does it archetypally, according to the primitive principle, since he did not have time to develop. The way our distant ancestors once did. The dermal man, for example, obtained food in all possible ways that were adequate for those distant times. However, in the modern world we call such prey theft.
The dermal child begins to "extract" as best he can. That is, to steal. A child with an anal vector becomes a disobedient stubborn, cruel towards animals, children, the environment. The urethral escapes from home, the visual remains in fear, the sound one goes into itself, closing itself off from the world.
What should mothers do?
Of course, no sane mother wants to kill her child's future. And it is impossible to restrain our desires and limit ourselves for a long time, since our inner state, our psychological suffering is stronger than our willpower and reasoning. This is well observable.
Therefore, it is necessary to try to understand what kind of lack in the mental state of the mother controls the woman's behavior, what exactly is the cause of aggression. You can remove these frustrations by understanding the reasons for their occurrence and starting to realize your natural properties and talents.
The excellent results of trained women with a similar problem speak for themselves:
When the mother's bad conditions go away, this automatically harmonizes the child's condition. After all, he "reads" her mood. In addition, a woman loses the desire to beat, humiliate her child, and shout at him. At the same time, the perception of not only yourself and your desires, but also other people changes.
Where is the exit?
Where there is an understanding of what is happening, there is no place for anger, aggression, irritation. Or they become manageable, and you gain the ability to cope with them on your own. In addition, you learn to keep track of your desires, understand where they come from. This means that desires cease to control you. This gives tremendous freedom to choose actions and decisions in life.
A clear understanding comes of why the child behaves in this way and not otherwise. Why do you react to his behavior in this way. You begin to understand how you can bring the child to the result you need, and what reactions and actions from him to expect and achieve is completely meaningless. After all, now you know his inner properties and talents.
To see every day the happy eyes of your child, full of love and trust in you, and not the frightened tear-stained eyes of a driven animal is the desire of every loving mother!
Come to free online lectures on Systemic Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan and learn to make yourself and your children happy. Register here:
