When you committed suicide - I buried my heart …
If a person dear to us has chosen to end his own life, for a long time we are tormented by painful questions: “Could I have done something to prevent this? Why was I not there at a critical moment? Perhaps I did not show enough sensitivity, could not keep him from stepping into emptiness, and in what happened there is also my fault?"
Hello. I am writing this letter to you from nowhere to nowhere. You are not among the living, but I am only among them - from that very day …
… In the telephone receiver a dry official voice: "Who do you belong to such and such?" Then everything - as if through a dull cotton wool, darkens in the eyes, it seems that someone's hands grabbed me. Flash - the next memory: I rush in a car through the whole city like a madwoman with only one thought: “No! Can not be! It's not you, not you, not you!.."
I don't remember how I got through the funeral. Apparently, the part of me that knew how to feel anything at all died at the time of identification. And the mind remained to endlessly sort through the memories in my head, like a heap of dry autumn leaves.
Never again. Don't touch your hand, don't see the sun glare on your hair. Don't wander under the same umbrella. Never hear this special, dear voice. Don't see that dimple on your cheek when you smile. Do not warm your hands together on a cup of hot tea in that cozy cafe, do you remember? Never again.
I seek and do not find excuses for myself, not a single reason why I stayed to live. I should have known. Feel, fly in, warn, stop. After all, you were not just taken and taken away from life by the whimsical hand of death - you yourself made this choice: not-life. And to this day I don't even know why.
Apparently, such a strange being: to be a dead soul among the living is the price I pay now for not saving you.
Tormenting questions that now have no one to ask
Death. It separates us from those to whom we have grown with all our hearts. It is unbearably difficult for us to come to terms with the loss …
Especially if a person dear to us chose to end his own life, for a long time we are tormented by painful questions: “Could I have done something to prevent this? Why was I not there at a critical moment? Perhaps I did not show enough sensitivity, could not keep him from stepping into emptiness, and in what happened there is also my fault?"
These questions do not go out of my head, despite the fact that an endlessly loved and close person cannot be returned.
Among them there is the most important question: “Why? Why did he do it? This one answer could solve all the others. But beyond the threshold of death there is only a deaf silence.
Is there an answer?
Yes. The reasons for all actions are associated with the characteristics of our psyche. Not all of us have suicidal tendencies, and even fewer people complete it. But there are such people. Who are they?
Suicidal thoughts can arise in the owners of visual and sound vectors, explains the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan. But the reasons for such thoughts are completely different.
I'll see how you kill yourself at my grave
The owners of the visual vector have a huge emotional amplitude. Within a short time, their state can change in the range from euphoria to hopeless melancholy. At the bottom of such an emotional "swing", the viewer subjectively thinks that no one loves him, that he is indifferent to everyone and that no one needs him.
But loved ones do not need to guess about his conditions. Being a natural extrovert, the spectator expressively voices the desire to commit suicide. This can be accompanied by hysteria and even an attempt at demonstrative suicide: screaming, swearing, locking in the bathroom, poking out halfway out of the window, running away from home, and other methods of emotional blackmail.
The owner of the visual vector has no real intention to die. System-vector psychology says that the reason for such thoughts and states in him is emotional hunger. Usually, receiving confirmation that he is needed and loved, the spectator calms down. Although only one's own realization of sensual potential is capable of satisfying this hunger.
Alas, in rare cases, hysterics gets out of control and the person simply does not have time to save, and the demonstrative suicide attempt really ends in death. In this case, loved ones rarely have a question about the reasons for this act, but they can blame themselves for a long time for not giving the deceased love and attention at the right time.
One night he just went out the window …
The real intention to commit suicide can occur among the owners of the sound vector. It is about their desire to kill themselves that those around them may not guess until the last. Sound people are introverts by nature, little emotional outwardly, immersed in themselves.
If you happen to be close to such a person, perhaps he voiced his deep questions to you, which he tried to resolve:
- Who am I? What is the meaning of my life? What is the plan for the existence of humanity as a whole? What are we living for?
The fact is that searching for and finding answers to such abstract questions is a natural task, the purpose of a sound engineer. Sometimes he tries to look for them in religion or esotericism. And when time after time he does not find, he gradually begins to feel the pain of the soul and the unbearable burden of being.
Every day such a person becomes more withdrawn, ceases to voice his states to loved ones. In some cases, this may not even be expressed externally: until the last day, he pretends that "he lives like everyone else." Smiling, talking about the weather or politics. But he no longer shares his innermost: questions, reflections, pain.
In the depths of his soul, a black hole of meaningless existence grows, it torments him with aching exhausting pain, which his loved ones may not even know about. According to system-vector psychology, the sound engineer striving to cognize eternity and infinity unconsciously blames the body for his own suffering. And when mental anguish reaches its climax, he is able to take the last step - to leave the "prison" of his own body.
The one who was left between heaven and earth
The owners of the visual vector experience the most painful suicide of a loved one. After all, their nature is to build deep emotional ties with people. When they lose those to whom they are attached with all their hearts, they feel as if they themselves died.
There may be a kind of "atrophy of emotions", the inability to experience anything: neither joy nor grief.
If a person is also inherent in the properties of an anal vector, by nature directed into the past, then the only thing he continues to live with is memories of the past.
For many months, and sometimes years, he leaves the things of the one who was dear to him intact. Keeps his room clean and tidy. Revises photographs or keepsakes. Lives in a time that can never be returned.
Look into his soul
No one can give us back the one we have lost. But we can do what he aspired to, but did not manage to do.
Realize the structure of life. To understand what deep reasons and motives move each of us. This becomes possible thanks to the exact scientific knowledge about the structure of our psyche, discovered in the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
On the path of this realization, you will find answers to all the questions that have tormented you for so long. You can literally look into the soul of someone you have lost. And finally to find peace along with an accurate answer to the most important question: "Why?"
It was very difficult for me to survive the grief - the loss of a loved one. Fear of death, phobias, panic attacks made life impossible. I turned to specialists - to no avail. At the very first lesson at the training on the visual vector, I immediately felt relief and understanding of what was happening to me. Love and gratitude is what I felt instead of the horror that was before.
Svetlana K., Kursk Read the full text of the result
To start this journey, register for free online lectures on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan here.
