Egoists are called egoists of other egoists, or How not to raise an egoist
Our whole life, all our actions, decisions and aspirations are the satisfaction of our desires. We never do anything without prior desire …
Selfishness is a quality that has always been considered negative and needs to be eradicated.
Raising an egoist was considered a complete parental fiasco.
An egoist is seen by us as a kind of callous person who does not care about other people's problems - neither troubles nor joy, narcissistic, fixated only on his own interests, detached from the life of others, cold-blooded and arrogant insolent. Direct description of Dr. House from the series of the same name.
From the outside, representatives of sound or skin vectors often look like the biggest egoists. It is especially pronounced in children. They live, trying to fulfill their desires directly, as they can, as they want, as it turns out, manifest themselves openly and fully.
Selfishness of sound
The sound child is immersed in his own thoughts, thoughtful and detached, which can look strange next to the spectator, sociable, active and emotional. Sound desires crave to be satisfied, so for the sound engineer the search for meanings and answers to internal questions - in books, the Internet, reflections - becomes the most important thing. Including more important than communication. While the spectator, to fill his own desires, needs emotional contact, vivid experiences, live communication with other people.
The sound person does not suffer and is not afraid to be alone, which causes a sincere misunderstanding of the visual parents. Moreover, he often even seeks solitude. Unexpressed facial expressions, a quiet monotonous voice, short without emotional phrases, a look to the side often make the sound person in the eyes of the spectator callous, cold and arrogant.
Over time, learning to implement sound properties at a higher and more complex level, in the conditions of modern society, the sound engineer at the same time receives a cultural superstructure with education that determines the rules of communication. However, even a fully realized sound person will never be as outgoing, open and emotional as an extroverted visual person.
Not understanding the psychological nature of a sound child, his visual mother can often say about him, they say, he does not need other children, he thinks only of himself, can sit in the computer all day, he is not interested in anything, and so on. Shouts and insults at sound children are super-stressful factors, as a result of which the child becomes even more immersed in himself, withdraws into his own, less aggressive world for him.
Regretting that her selfish child is growing up, such a mother, through mistaken upbringing, grows up a real egoist - an egocentric, closed, embittered person for the whole world, unable to realize himself in society. Then everything that nature endowed him from birth, properties and qualities that could benefit others through his creative activity, remain unrealized, turning into emptiness and painful states of the psyche.
Consumer selfishness
Children with a skin vector are also often called egoists. A nimble, active, restless child begins to cheat, deceive, turn any situation in his favor before others. In everything he should be the first, always the winner, constantly winning. He hides his wealth in places known to him alone, often under lock and key or in a cache. Sharing with someone or giving something of theirs to someone for a skin baby is very problematic, but picking something up, taking it without asking, or even stealing it … you can.
If he plays with children, then the game that he himself invented, which means that he can certainly win in it. If he loses, he gets very upset. He takes any failure painfully, and victory always remains important, even if at any cost.
For a small skinner, benefit and benefit are important, social and material superiority is important. He quickly gets bored with monotonous and lengthy activities, he demands novelty. Next to an obedient, honest, principled and consistent child with an anal vector, the skinny looks like a cunning sly, pursuing his own goals and concerned exclusively with his own interests.
Without systematic thinking about such a baby, an anal mom says that he is completely different from her, that he is not interested in anything for more than five minutes. What does he think only of himself, he does not want to study, but only begs for new toys, he does not sit still and even in a dream he constantly twitches, rushes, spins.
Many fathers, being a representative of another vector, the properties of which are fundamentally different from the skin properties of a child, do not at all understand his habits, desires and values. Moreover, many of the child's actions in this case are perceived critically, and some (deception, for example) seem to be flagrant incidents that require immediate elimination.
The anal dad, not having knowledge of system-vector psychology, is amazed at the actions of the skin son, they even cause indignation in him, since they go against his worldview. In an attempt to “fix” the child, such fathers resort to physical punishment, which is over-stress for the skinner and pushes him to “restore mental balance” by fulfilling his specific role as a breadwinner in the most primitive way - to steal. The vicious circle is closed. Theft is followed by a new punishment, and so on.
Selfishness from within
Selfishness, concern only with their own desires is actually inherent in all people. We are born with a set of certain psychological properties that require their realization and that shape our character, habits, inclinations, aspirations, values and dreams.
Our whole life, all our actions, decisions and aspirations are the satisfaction of our desires. We never do anything without prior desire. Even charity, gratuitous assistance, donations, volunteer activities, and the like, are filling the needs of the visual vector. This is the desire - to share with someone his pain, suffering, help, share love. First, a desire arises, and then a way is found to realize it.
So it turns out that we are all selfish. Only in some, this egoism is manifested by sound detachment and egocentrism, in others by visual compassion and empathy, in others - by urethral gratuitous return, and so on.
The biggest egoist becomes a brilliant scientist, working all his life on a unique invention, because it is only of interest to him alone and nothing else bothers him. And then it turns out that this invention can change the whole world for the better, make life easier for many people or help them. But he just satisfied his own desire, this scientist … well, and is he not selfish?
Another egoist, following his desires, lies all his life on the couch, considering himself an unrecognized genius, splashing bile, resentment and sociopathy. He is also an egoist, but a petty, sofa type, because his egoism is only enough for complaints and claims, but not for creative activity.
Errors of upbringing, pursuing the eradication of "egoism" lead to the fact that a sound potential scientist, programmer, writer or composer turns into an infantile gambling addict, a closed sociopath up to moral and moral degeneration. In the same conditions, a skin child grows up as a petty thief, a swindler and a deceiver, although it could well become an outstanding lawyer, engineer or sportsman.
I will go into selfishness, let them teach me
As a child, we express ourselves openly, satisfying our own desires in the simplest way. However, childhood is a period of development, both physical and psychological. Before the end of puberty, any property can be developed, then an uninterrupted process of realization begins already at the level to which the properties have developed. Throughout our life, constantly, every day, we realize our psychological properties, receiving satisfaction from this. There is no realization - there is no pleasure, but there is negative - anger, dislike, fears, depression, and so on.
Implementation at a low level looks like primitive egoism - egocentrism, narcissism, plushkinism, criticism, and the like. And implementation at a high level corresponding to the level of modern society looks like altruism - innovative ideas, engineering thought, charity, medicine, teaching, scientific activity, and so on. One and the same desire can be realized at different levels and manifest itself diametrically opposite.
Our selfish desires can be directed either inward, in ourselves, for receiving, consuming, and bring limited, weak and temporary satisfaction. And they can have a focus on giving, outward, outward, for the benefit of not only oneself, but the whole society or even humanity - then they give full, powerful and lasting pleasure from their own life, work, creativity, relationships.
Raising a child with a systematic approach, taking into account his innate psychological properties, makes it possible to raise a greater egoist, so that his desire is enough for everyone, for the whole society, for all of humanity, and not just for him alone.
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