How to become a successful woman: an informal conversation with a psychologist
The only question is how to take this happiness from life: not everyone succeeds. Even the very notions of what a successful woman is, what is success, each of us deciphers in its own way, right?
She is an amazing woman, my friend is a psychologist. From those people with whom you talk - like drinking the sun. It seems to be the same as the rest of us, but still different: happy. Highly.
I sip coffee from a steaming cup, wrap myself in a blanket and instantly warm up. The mistress's radiant gaze penetrates into the soul, and this time I thaw completely. It's always like this with her: in a minute it already seems to me that the morning scandal at work and the spat with her husband - all this was a very long time ago and not with me at all. Involuntarily breaks out:
- Listen, well, here's how to become like you?
- Which one? (laughs)
- A successful woman in everything. You also have a family, a job, and children. Only your eyes don't twitch from all this, your hands don't tremble and you don't want to kill anyone like me.
- You don't have to be like me for that. You yourself are quite enough, only happy. In the modern world, each of us has a lot of opportunities to live our life brightly and richly. Enjoy every moment. Wake up in the morning feeling that life is good.
The only question is how to take this happiness from life: not everyone succeeds. Even the very notions of what a successful woman is, what is success, each of us deciphers in its own way, right?
Male and female success
We always evaluate a man primarily by his social status. This is the main criterion: what he has achieved in society. Well, or at least what potential he has in this sense.
It's different with a woman. For thousands of years, a woman's ability to attract and retain a man, to give birth and raise children has been valued. This is how the psychic basis was formed, so to speak, the foundation of female success.
About a century ago, the world began to change rapidly. It is not enough for a modern woman to be a wife and a mother, she wants more. Today, any woman, if she wishes, can get a decent education, choose a business to her liking and find her place in society.
“So, in potential, this means that we can achieve success and enjoy life doubly: not only in the family and children, but also in work!
- Yes. Unfortunately, it happens that one of the spheres of life is realized. For example, work and career are successful. But you cannot call such a woman successful in everything - a man suffers from loneliness. Or, on the contrary, a woman has taken place in family life, but the routine of household chores seizes, I want something more. But it does not come out.
- Can you sketch out some kind of "life hack"? A successful woman from scratch or something like that? Where do you start?
- Let's start with personal life. She, after all, in many ways influences her career.
How to become a successful woman in your personal life
Women's success in the personal field is based on three pillars, these are:
- The ability to attract men.
- The ability to choose the right partner with whom you will connect your life and create a family.
- The ability to maintain these relationships for a long time, develop them, remain interesting for your man.
- Well, it's not a problem to attract a man! Beauty salon, as they say, to help.
- Don't tell. This is not a problem for you. Do you know how many women come to me with such trouble? And clever, and beauties, and well-groomed. There are those who themselves even raised their business from scratch, successful women at work. And still lonely. Men don't seem to see them at all.
The reasons may be different. For example, there are women with a sound vector. They have a special inner search for answers to questions - about the meaning of life, about their purpose. Often the sound people do not find an interlocutor with whom they can speak “on equal terms”, therefore men seem to them “narrow-minded”. In the meantime, philosophical questions remain unanswered - both love and sex are devalued for such a woman. And she herself does not notice that she is behaving detachedly, living “in herself”.
And it happens that a woman cannot attract anyone because of her difficult psychological conditions. Our attraction is based on the animal principle: a man is attracted by the smell of pheromones. But this smell not only informs whether you are suitable for each other as a couple, it also carries information about the psychological state of a woman.
Of course, no one consciously comprehends this. And unconsciously a man is repulsed by a woman who is joyless, sad, resentful or depressed, with fears and anxiety. She's not to blame: that's how life turned out. But men bypass the side, not knowing why.
- What is the problem of choosing a partner? Choose who is more to your heart. Or by calculation, here it is as anyone …
- The problem is that we don't know ourselves. It seems to us that we are the masters of our choice: both mind and heart. In fact, anything can steer our choice, for example, psychological trauma that was received in childhood.
Maybe you have met such a phenomenon: when a woman, without knowing why, all the time chooses problem men? Alcoholics or drug addicts, "sofa-sitters" who cannot find a place for themselves in this world, and the like. This happens with emotional girls, whose feelings were suppressed in childhood. Forbidden to cry. In adulthood, they have this feature: the feeling of love is triggered only through pity. Therefore, they attract partners whom you can only regret. And then we say "where were my eyes", "love of evil" and so on.
- I see, I'm still lucky. There was no problem attracting men. And the choice of a partner is generally good. But the problem with keeping the relationship is obvious. You wait for one thing, you get something completely different. Already and talked how many times - in vain. We are probably too different. And passions have subsided over so many years of marriage …
- It's nature arranged it so that different people are attracted to a couple. To make their union more resistant to any "storms of life". For example, one is a stay-at-home, creates comfort, the other is a breadwinner, rushes about three jobs. The trouble is that we begin to wait from another for what he is not able to give - he simply has a different psyche, from birth. Ignorance of each other and ruins the couple.
A stay-at-home tries to lock up his "motor" half at home. A nimble earner always reproaches his home sofa-sitter for his lack of business acumen and desire to make money. But a successful woman understands all this, knows both her psyche and the psyche of her husband. Understands the strengths of the spouse, helps him to reveal them.
And for success in the personal field, it is important to be able to build a special, subtle and intimate emotional connection with a loved one. It doesn't always work out because many women are hurt by bad experiences. They are afraid to open their souls to the end, to trust a man. As a result, the relationship reaches a certain limit, and deeper is no longer possible. And gradually the union falls apart.
- So far, I have obtained such a resume: for success in my personal life, the main thing is to understand myself and men. If necessary, then unearth your hidden problems, get rid of them. And then, with a "sober" glance, assess who is next to you and how to build relationships.
- Of course. A successful woman in the 21st century is, first of all, a woman who is psychologically literate, in good conditions. And it matters in any area of life. In social realization and career, you also cannot do without it.
How to Become a Successful Woman in Social Realization
To choose the right field in which you can achieve maximum success, you need to know your innate properties and inclinations. They are set by vectors given to a person, on average, among urban residents, 3-4 out of a possible eight.
For example, people with a skin vector are the very enterprising earners. Homework is not suitable for such a woman, and sitting on maternity leave for a long time may seem like hard labor. I want novelty and change, travel and business trips. The area of social realization for such people is wide - from trade (a good business streak) to engineering and jurisprudence.
But women with an anal vector are the best mothers, wives, mistresses in the world. They love home comfort. They will just like home work or part-time work near their place of residence. Because their natural desire is to spend time at home with children, with family, and they will not donate this opportunity for any money.
There are very emotional, impressionable women with a visual vector. They make excellent educators, primary school teachers, doctors and social workers. Such women always want warm emotional ties with people.
Each of the 8 vectors has its own strengths, natural talents and preferences. Understanding yourself, your psyche, it is much easier to choose the best field for success.
- Is it enough to understand and know yourself for success? Or maybe it's worth taking on the history of how successful women became successful? Explore their experience. You know, I often saw such stories on the net and in women's magazines. Motivate.
- Of course, it motivates - to see that someone has managed to become a successful woman from scratch, to achieve high results. But trying to adopt specific methods, methods, the path traveled by another person is a mistake. He may have a completely different psyche, not the same as yours. For him this path was natural, but for you impassable jungle will turn out. And even if you crawl, it's not a fact that just such a result will please you. We also enjoy different things.
But besides the fact that you need to know your natural talents, there is another way to get closer to real success: you need to separate your true desires from the model of happiness imposed on you. Weed out that motivation that can lead to the wrong place.
- For instance? We are like adults - who can impose on us and what can we impose? And what about the motivation - which one will be correct?
- Yes, you probably observed cases when a woman tries to achieve success, for example, "in spite of the former" - to prove that he was wrong when he considered her worthless. It happens that you even manage to occupy some significant place in society - but there is no joy. The one to whom she proved all this - he lives his life, he doesn't care.
And we acquire imposed attitudes in the course of life. Even parents in childhood can ask them, and you yourself do not notice that you live with them.
For example, a woman has an attitude from her mother that “men are a passing business,” that one should be able to provide for the child herself. Nobody argues that in the modern world you need to have a profession. But such an attitude leads to the fact that of the men she really comes across only crooks, and the heavy burden of material support for the children falls on her alone. And even if she copes, loneliness gnaws.
- What else can hinder your success?
- Bad conditions. Since you are interested in success, you must have read all sorts of clever advice: in order to become successful in everything, a woman first of all needs to get rid of laziness. Apply more perseverance, hard work - and everything will work out.
The advice, of course, is good. But how can they be fulfilled by a person who, for example, has procrastination (delayed cases syndrome)? He may understand that he has been marking time for years, but he cannot do anything. Because this is a serious psychological problem, a real trap. Until you get out of it - what kind of success are we talking about? Even day-to-day activities are impossible.
Or there are special grave conditions in the sound vector - depression, apathy. There is no strength even to wash, go to the store. The problem is that a person does not see the point of moving, nothing ignites him. He does not find what to live for, does not understand why he was born at all. And until he finds answers to these questions - where can he get the strength for perseverance and hard work?
- Exactly. Strength is just usually not enough. And the last drops are always spent, God knows what: either the boss yelled, or the child exhausted everything …
- There is also a lack of knowledge of other people. We are at war with them all the time, you know? We don't really know how to cooperate, because we don't really know each other. But it can be different. Knowing the boss's psyche, find a couple of very accurate words - and all the tension will be removed, the conflict will exhaust itself.
Children are a different story altogether. Children are like litmus tests of our own bad conditions. As soon as the mother's condition is corrected - and the child is replaced. There was a devil - became an angel, did you notice? Well, if you also understand who is growing up with you and how to educate him, then there will be no reason for hassle at all.
- It turns out that both in the career and in the family the same thing: the main trump card of a successful woman in the 21st century is knowledge of psychology.
- Yes, especially since for this it is not at all necessary to storm universities and study multivolume editions. The volume of knowledge about the psyche, necessary for life, in a simple and accessible form, can be mastered in 2–3 months. And the results will last for life.
In fact, there is no separate private and social life. Everything is fused together. If you are lonely, longing, then success in business is not very happy. And when you are loved and desired, you fly like on wings in your work.
It turned out to choose a worthy partner - and your union supports and inspires, even when there are difficulties at work. And if your psychological trauma made the choice for you, then marriage becomes a constant source of stress and work will not go well either.
And vice versa: any problems at work (misunderstanding with bosses and colleagues, the wrong choice of field of work) cause stress, which we drag home. Then we go off on our husband and children.
Psychological literacy is the ability to live among people with pleasure, to successfully build relationships of any order.
Finally
Everything is as usual - a conversation with a friend gave inspiration and strength. But something has changed imperceptibly: it seems to me that the whole world has long ago switched to high-speed aircraft, and I still trudge along the road of life on a village cart.
She is a wonderful woman, my friend is happy and successful, bright and clear. But I don’t want to run to her for “recharging” anymore: I want to BE like that. Life is something that happens every moment. It is impossible to take a "pocket psychologist" with you either to the matrimonial bedroom or to a showdown with the authorities. To live is what you have to be able to do yourself. Success - attached.
