Suicidal thoughts. What is the meaning of my life?
None of the philistine goals, even the most highly moral, inspires you. Money? Success? Love? Everything is empty, petty. Isn't there anything that really makes sense?
The closer the night, the darker the soul. The question of the meaning of life torments, but there is no answer. Depression grins scornfully. The same thoughts are spinning in my head:
“Let's start with the very fact of birth, meaningless and merciless. I did not ask to be given birth! I feel innocently sentenced to life imprisonment in my own body!"
No sooner had the thoughts of birth dissolve than the curse of loneliness arrived in time: “Whatever people do, they cannot overcome the barrier of the physical body. No one has the ability to feel my pain the way I do. Just as it is impossible to feel someone else's hunger or satiety."
Sharp dips down into blackness happen when you decide to talk to someone about the pain inside you. You cannot find understanding either with anonymous people on the Internet, or with your nearest and dearest. Nobody hears you, the interlocutor instantly changes the topic to what is important to him: love polygons, hatred for work and lust for vacation, food and repairs …
Such cases are the most painful, they lead to despair.
Thoughts about the finiteness of life finish off: “Why study, long, dreary, if consciousness and memory die together with a person? Why work three jobs day and night, step up the career ladder? At the cemetery, it doesn't matter if you are a director or a complete zero. Why start a family and have children?"
None of the philistine goals, even the most moral ones, inspire. Money? Success? Love? Everything is empty, petty. Isn't there anything that really makes sense?
Thoughts of suicide create the feeling that despite the absolute delirium of everything around you still have the right to slam the door and go through the back door to an audience with the Almighty - to demand an explanation.
You are (not) crazy
This is a real depression of a person with a sound vector. He is the only one who cannot live like everyone else, like an ordinary, "normal" person. The only one who is corroded from within by the question of the meaning of life.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan for the first time reveals the unconscious of a person, his psyche, soul. Provides answers to the questions: who am I, where did I come from, where am I going and why is all this happening?
Already in the primitive flock, at the dawn of the emergence of mankind, each person had his own specific role. Soundman is the night guard of the pack. With the sunset, the tribesmen went to bed, and only he, a man with a sound vector, felt a surge of cheerfulness. All night long he guarded the flock, listening intently to the sounds of the savannah - is there a predator sneaking around?
The psychological characteristics of people have been formed generation after generation. We have not been threatened by wild animals for a long time, but to this day a person born with a sound vector revives closer to night, sits down at a computer and only with the onset of morning feels the desire to go to sleep. There is nothing to be done - such is its nature.
The sound engineer prefers night, silence and loneliness. The reasons are from the same primitive childhood: the night, the whole flock is asleep, the guard is completely alone at his post. It has always been so, so I became addicted to loneliness. He is a deeply introvert. Every person without a sound vector has desires associated with other people. The soundman is formed alone. In his sound perception, people do not seem to exist. It is everyone else who has "me" and "other people." He has only "I" and "I", consciousness and the unconscious. And the surrounding world, including one's own body, are more or less illusory, depending on the degree of its immersion in itself.
The sound engineer has an uneasy relationship with silence. Absolute silence can create peace in the soul and dispose to deep reflection, and any unwanted sounds are annoying. A modern sound engineer often does not take off his headphones for days on end, in which music rumbles, - this is how he tries to isolate himself from the outside world and ease the mental pain, drown out the inner voice …
Just like millennia ago, a sound man can stare into the night starry sky for hours. He peers into the blackness of the Universe, as if looking into his soul, and yearns for the sense of the meaningfulness of life. A person with a sound vector is the only one who remembers death and wants to know and clearly feel whether eternity and infinity exist.
The pack night guard was attentive at the post. He listened intently to the sounds outside: at any next second a twig might crack under the leopard's paw. Time passed, and the way of realizing the sound vector did not change - it was still close attention to what was happening in the world around, to the forces that govern nature and affect human life. This is how sciences arose, for example physics.
Only a person with a sound vector, the owner of an abstract intellect, was able to discern the action of forces in this world - gravitational, electromagnetic … To this day, the sound engineer wants to reach the peak of concentration. Not on the rustle of the paws of an approaching predator, not on the forces described in a physics textbook. And on the forces that live as a person - on the psyche, the unconscious. It is there that the answers to all questions about life and death are hidden.
Making sense is possible
A spiritual search countless times leads a person with a sound vector to a dead end.
Literature, physics and mathematics, philosophy, religion, esotericism … Every time the heart is filled with hope: is it really it, is it really found?
But a little time passes, and the taste of a new idea is lost. The found system turns out to be imperfect, with reservations and errors that show its helplessness and depreciate in your eyes once and for all.
A person with a sound vector with all his nature strives to cognize himself, thirsts for the disclosure of his own soul. Anyone else seeks and finds the delight of his heart among earthly joys, and only the sound engineer remains incomprehensible to anyone, even himself. That is, his deepest desires are not material - "I want meaning!"
Despite a long spiritual search, his “want meaning” remains empty and eventually turns into a black hole, which is the cause of depression, apathy, and suicidal thoughts.
A person with a sound vector wants to open the unconscious to frenzy, to madness. And most importantly, she doesn't even realize her desire! It's just that his soul, psyche writhes in pain - "I don't want anything, because I don't know myself, I don't know what I want."
Man lives according to the principle of pleasure. If he does not receive what he wants for a long time, he is empty and suffers. In such a state, a person is unable to justify life. My nature, my vector conditioned essence requires pleasure and cannot receive it? So what's the point then? Why all this?
And vice versa: happy people do not ask questions about the meaning of life … For them, the sensual answer that the meaning of life is, is their very filled state.
The meaning of life for each person is different, it depends on his set of vectors. But they feel that there is a meaning, everything is the same. This is a feeling of satisfaction, joy, fullness of vitality.
The path to comprehension begins with awareness of yourself, your unconscious, your desires. Filling the thirst for disclosure at the training of Yuri Burlan "System-vector psychology", the sound engineer receives answers to the questions: who I am, what I really want and, most importantly, how to achieve this.
Thousands of trainees share their states before and after.
