How to control your emotions: a life-giving river or a dam break
A person is not able to simply turn off emotions, getting rid of them is a part of himself, a significant part. Therefore, it is more correct to pose the question not How to cope with emotions and not How to learn to control yourself, but How to be able to direct feelings in a peaceful direction. How to manifest them to those who need it, so that it brings happiness to the person himself and to those around him …
Lord, again! I wanted to talk to my husband - it got to a scandal. I helped the child with lessons - she broke into a cry. Solved work issues - flared up and quarreled with colleagues. And then she even played on the conductor. I didn't want to! How many times has I sworn to control myself! And here you are … Now everyone is on edge because of these experiences. How to control your emotions? How to restrain yourself? I don't know what to do with myself!
Emotions are inherent only in humans. We all experience them, different colors, different saturations. However, the emotional properties of some people are noticeably more pronounced than others. They experience both positive and negative emotions much more strongly. They may have problems with self-control and a lack of understanding how to control themselves in various situations, how to learn how to control their emotions. All the more, they themselves and their entourage suffer from this. We will talk about them in the article.
How to learn to control your emotions when they are your second self
Indeed, there are people who experience their experiences especially vividly. And the first thing that suggests itself, if you need to briefly describe such a person, is emotional. Yuri Burlan at the training "System-vector psychology" explains that such people are the owners of the visual vector. What kind of term is that?
A vector is a set of properties and desires of its bearer, the direction of its aspirations. There are eight of them, and each has its own especially sensitive (erogenous) zone.
For the visual vector, these are the eyes. “Eyes are the mirror of the soul” is about us, carriers of the visual vector. Such people are able to notice more details, distinguish more shades, have aesthetic taste and can see beauty in all its manifestations. They are also, under certain conditions, predisposed to vision problems. This is about physiology. There is also a psychological aspect - emotionality. Emotional control is not easy for them.
We, visual people, are more sensual and open, it is easy to touch us for a living, we take things close to our hearts that others will not attach importance to. We can be moved to tears by a movie or a soul story. We feel so sorry for a homeless kitten! We are ready to experience real delight and euphoria when we are happy. Our imaginations are enviable. And no one else is capable of falling in love like us. The whole palette of feelings and experiences!
But the problem is that our negative emotions are also stronger. Sometimes it happens that you can't control yourself at all. Now you break into a cry, then you burst into tears, then everything falls out of your hands from experiences. So we ask ourselves the questions of how to learn how to control ourselves when you find yourself in a difficult situation, or how to cope with emotions that may suddenly flood completely uninvited.
How to learn to control your emotions: some features of emotional manifestations
A person rarely carries the properties of only one vector. Often, the wearer of the visual also has a cutaneous or anal vector, or a combination of both. And they, too, have an impact on the emotional state of their host.
For example, people with a skin vector are distinguished by pragmatism, ambition, and a tendency to self-discipline. By their nature, they are earners, they have a business acumen, they strive for material and social superiority. Excessive emotionality can be perceived by them as a hindrance in making informed decisions, which means on the way to success.
Control over yourself and your fortunes is another advantage for achieving career heights and financial gain. Therefore, for the owners of the skin and visual vectors, the questions of how to learn not to react to the provocations of competitors, for example, or a superior official, or a “difficult” client, may be particularly relevant.
The natural tendency to self-restraint and self-organization dictates the corresponding aspirations, such as to keep emotions under control in any situation, to be able to think logically, to be ready for any development of the situation, and therefore to manage it. But in certain states, carriers of the skin vector can experience anger, envy, irritability, and the visual vector, in turn, adds fuel to the fire - enhances the emotional amplitude of these negative experiences.
For the owners of the anal vector, the main values in life are family and children, professionalism and quality, justice and decency, respect and recognition of merits. Therefore, their most powerful emotional manifestations are most often associated with these areas.
The owner of the anal vector cares very much about his family, worries a lot about his family. In the presence of a stressful visual vector, this can take the form of overprotection or excessive anxiety for children, when the imagination draws frightening pictures of impending problems and dangers, and it is impossible to think about anything else. Or he couldn’t restrain himself, broke into a child, and then blame yourself for this outbreak, so much so that he was almost ready to tear his hair out.
And if the owner of the anal vector feels that he was cheated of something: they did not show due respect, did not thank for some service, did not appreciate professional qualities, acted unfairly towards him - a resentment often arises in the soul of such a person, which he again and again scrolls through my head like unfinished business. And the visual vector adds heart-squeezing emotional details. It is very difficult in such a state to figure out how to control emotions - it's a shame!
Thus, the poor state of the visual vector is expressed in manifestations of negative emotions that arise for a variety of reasons and enhance any experience.
Difficulty controlling emotions: cause and effect
Great, nature has endowed the owners of the visual vector with a greater emotional amplitude. What now, to suffer from this? How to learn to control your emotions if you are a very emotional person?
All the qualities with which we are born are given to us for a reason, and even less so for suffering. Any talent (and sensuality is a talent) is given to develop and realize it. If we did not succeed in some of this, this is where the problems begin, the reasons for which may be the following:
- Insufficient or improper development of sensuality before puberty.
- Lack of opportunity or inability to realize their sensual potential.
As the child grows, he develops, learns to use innate qualities in an optimal way. It is extremely important for a child with a visual vector to learn empathy. This is achieved by reading classical literature, from which the child can get the experience of empathizing with the heroes with all his heart, to tears.
When a visual child is forbidden to cry (not to be capricious, but to show feelings), this greatly inhibits his internal development. It may turn out that in the future a “strong girl” or “real boy”, whom parents from the best intentions instruct how to restrain their emotions, and forbid them to cry, will experience great difficulties with the manifestation of feelings, will not be able to show complicity and empathy, when it is necessary.
Scary tales about eaten goat pigs, horror films and even more scenes from life (domestic scandals, threats, funerals) are contraindicated for such children. When a visual baby is frightened, the development of sensuality is also inhibited: the child gets stuck in fears - primitive feelings for himself.
Fear is a root human emotion. Fear for one's life, which takes on a wide variety of forms in adulthood: all kinds of phobias, panic attacks, anxiety states, in which a person does not know how to control, how to manage his emotions, becomes their hostage.
The degree of development of any qualities, including sensuality, is different for all of us, depending on the conditions and characteristics of upbringing. But the implementation of our properties in full - depends on ourselves. Even an excellently developed visual eye, unable to exercise their sensory potential properly, can fall into bad emotional states.
A person is not able to simply turn off emotions, getting rid of them is a part of himself, a significant part. Therefore, it is more correct to pose the question not How to cope with emotions and not How to learn to control yourself, but How to be able to direct feelings in a peaceful direction. How to manifest them to those who need it, so that it brings happiness to the person himself and to those around him. Yuri Burlan talks about this at the training "System-vector psychology".
How to manage emotions: recommendations of a systems psychologist
When good advice from friends and family does not help, we usually turn to psychology with the question of how to control our emotions. That's right, emotions are a product of the psyche, our unconscious. This is a kind of beacon, signaling whether our boat is sailing on the right course along the river of life. Everything is going as we wanted - our feelings are positive; something happens that runs counter to our desires - emotions with a minus sign roll in. That is, when we feel bad, it's time to understand what our desires are not realized.
For the owner of the visual vector, one of the most important desires of his unconscious is to build emotional connections with other people. And when this desire is not fully realized, which means that the sensory potential is not spent for its intended purpose, then our subconscious mind “gives a sign” with fears, hysteria, increased anxiety: the wrong course is taken.
How to learn to control emotions is not a question of one day. To do this, you need to understand yourself, your innate qualities and desires, figure out what drives us, work out your states and maximize your potential. Subsequently, emotions cease to poison our life - on the contrary, they fill it with bright colors and spiritual relationships.
When we know our mental properties and are able to shift the focus of our experiences from ourselves to other people, it changes everything. We show sincere interest and participation to people, empathy and sympathy - we establish emotional connections. When we begin to give positive emotions from ourselves to those around us, then we magically change our state: there is no room left in our souls for irritation, lack of attention, fears and anxieties. Resistance to stress increases by an order of magnitude. Sensual potential rushes in the direction in which nature intended. Now it is a pure river with life-giving moisture, feeding and filling, and not a dangerous dam, ready to break through. All this is possible after psychoanalytic work at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
Girls who have completed the training and have received remarkable results tell about this: