Middle age crisis
Why are so many people affected by a midlife crisis? What mistakes do we make at the beginning of life to doom ourselves later to years of suffering from severe changes in the middle of life? Many psychologists analyze the crisis, trying to find ways to mitigate it or to propose an algorithm for getting out of the peak. The main thing remains outside their attention …
Halfway through earthly life, I found myself in a gloomy forest …
Dante Alighieri
Translated from Greek, the word "crisis" has a number of meanings: choice, decision, turning point, trial. In everyday life, we call a crisis the moment after which a person can no longer live as before. The crisis comes suddenly, no one can "spread straws" in advance. It is like an avalanche, for which it is impossible to prepare and which leaves little chance of getting out without severe injuries.
Life is like a chain of crises with moments of respite
Developmental crises are so widespread that even people far from psychology are aware of major tipping points. It is a teenage crisis, a midlife crisis, an old age crisis. The first is caused by the difficulties of adaptation of adolescents entering the society. The second is often referred to as an identity crisis or a midlife crisis. The latter is the final balance.
What unites them is that, as a rule, rarely anyone manages to go through these periods of life painlessly. As the Chinese proverb says: "God forbid you live in an era of change." A crisis is a situation to which a person cannot always adapt, therefore he is forced to change or radically change the environment. An era of change in our individual world, which includes family, work and place in life. Let's consider the causes of the crisis and the ways out of it using the example of middle age.
The middle of life - the peak of happiness or … a statement of the unfulfilled?
Midlife crisis is usually limited to 35-40 years for women and 40-50 years for men. The biological middle of life, when we already know a lot and still can do a lot. The heyday of life, a boom point and - a crisis … This combination seems incomprehensible and unjustified.
It is at this age that professional heights and a certain level of well-being are reached, the family ideal is realized and dreams of children come true. What happens to yesterday's happily-prosperous person, that with the bitterness of the People's Will begins to blow up everything that used to be his usual, peaceful life? It cannot be that work suddenly becomes unbearable, that the family in one second turns into a group of selfish egoists, and the city, which you look at from the window, is covered with a web of provincial boredom.
My life … is it mine?
It's just that time has come for someone to compare what has been achieved and what he was striving for. Our parents, school, environment helped us form a life algorithm for success. It can vary greatly across countries and continents, but the main thing in it is that life goals and ways to achieve them correspond to the stereotypes of society. In our youth, few of us understand ourselves well enough to choose our path in accordance with our nature. At the beginning of life we are all under the influence of someone: parents, friends, neighbors … And we go out into life to implement an established scheme: study, work, marriage, children …
And suddenly, with horror, we realize that we are not living our own life, which brings us neither joy nor happiness. And everything seems to be like everyone else, and sometimes even better, but suddenly the melancholy twists, from which no one and nothing saves. In the morning we grit our teeth in order to go to work and not to break loose, not to throw the harsh truth to colleagues. We wonder at ourselves: how could they endure someone's stupidity for so many years, put up with someone's pettiness, turn a blind eye to the unprofessionalism and low qualifications of the boss's protege? Even a decent salary no longer evens out the balance of positive and negative.
Work is the most important component in the hierarchy of life values. But for many of us, family means much more. Probably because the job can be changed for another, and at the same time you can win by rising higher in society, or you can lose. With the family, everything is much more complicated.
Partners come and go, and children and parents are irreplaceable. No matter how amazing partner number 5 is, we still lose, because we break the unsettled psyche of children, ruining not only our own, but also their world. And no matter how unhappy the family was, we keep the scars of its "family happiness" forever. And even realizing all this, we are tearing the established world of the family, because by the middle of life all the advantages of the existing marriage are suddenly depreciated.
Love … Fairy tale, dream, hope … Was it there? Maybe we ourselves came up with romantic dreams, having read stories about Romeo and Juliet, Anna Karenina and Vronsky?.. Or maybe I wanted to be like everyone else - in a pair … Fifteen years have passed and nothing remains of the flair of love and attraction. Sex died under the blanket of everyday life, sympathy evaporated in the fire of petty selfish strife. There was only a misunderstanding of how we could be parents of children in common with this partner.
Families that are considered happy are not immune from the crisis. One of the two gets bored. Or it's scary to think that the rest of your life is a downhill road to old age. Each new day is only a worsened version of the previous one … And the wrinkles on the partner's face are perceived as a reminder that you are also going "up the stairs leading down" … I would like to prove to myself and others that at forty you can start a new life, experience once again wonderful moments and feel young. The only pity is that often these dreams come true on the ruins of the old life, through which the winner passes through the tank of oblivion and ingratitude …
The circle of friends is narrowing for natural reasons: death, change of residence. In addition, there is a division into the successful and the failed, who no longer have common interests and equal opportunities - and hence friendship apart. It's harder to make friends at 40 than at 18. Loneliness sets in.
Why you can't insure yourself against the crisis
Why are so many people affected by a midlife crisis? What mistakes do we make at the beginning of life to doom ourselves later to years of suffering from severe changes in the middle of life? Many psychologists analyze the crisis, trying to find ways to mitigate it or to propose an algorithm for getting out of the peak. The main thing remains outside their attention: ignorance and misunderstanding by a person of his own nature, his inner world, his true desires.
Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology helps to understand the nature of one's "I". What is the unconscious? How does it affect the characteristics, inclinations, desires of each of us? Why, after graduating from a prestigious faculty, a person does not receive joy from his work, and his father happily realized himself as a specialist with the same diploma? How did it happen that spouses wait for their children to finish school to get divorced? Why do thousands of forty-year-old people dream of leaving for another country, ready to tear themselves away from their roots, their native language, and everything that fits into the word Motherland without pity?
In Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology, there is a concept of a vector, which includes a set of innate desires and human properties. It is the vector that is the factor that determines the thinking of a person, the scale of his values and the way he moves through life.
In total, eight vectors are distinguished: cutaneous, muscular, anal, urethral, visual, sound, oral, olfactory. A person can have one or more vectors. Depending on the set of vectors, on their level of development and fullness, a person experiences joy, lives his life in happiness, or plunges into a state of dissatisfaction, frustration.
A midlife crisis can hit the owner of any vector set, but the reasons, the person's reaction and the way out of the crisis can differ diametrically. An analogy can be drawn with a burn. An overturned cup of hot tea will burn the hands of seven people, and we will see seven different reactions to pain. The crisis strikes many, and the state, the level of suffering and the ways of settlement are completely different for vector different people.
For whom any changes for the better
Those whom nature has endowed with a skin vector are distinguished by rationality, quick decision-making, a tendency to organize, a love of change, a desire for success and career advancement. If at forty years of age a dermal person does not reach the desired professional and living standard, if the work is not adequate to his capabilities, then the dissatisfaction can be so strong that it pushes him to make harsh decisions according to the "Gordian knot" method.
In personal life, leatherworkers do not accept the principle of "Suffer - fall in love". Relationships in the family do not develop, which means that you need to look for another partner. The leatherworker is not afraid of changes, he knows how to find rational grain and pleasure in them. This is his nature, pushing him forward, higher and further on the path to personal happiness and prosperity. For many of them, the midlife crisis may go unnoticed - just another qualitative leap, of which many have happened in previous years.
People with a skin vector easily change their place of residence, following the saying of the ancient Romans: "Where it is good, there is a homeland."
Realized skins with great potential may experience slight shortages, then they look for additional pleasure in travel, thus realizing their desire for change, and sometimes they go in for extreme sports in pursuit of super sensations, trying to "get" realization in the simplest way.
Silent victims of the crisis
A person with an anal vector, caught in a midlife crisis, behaves completely differently. Being in many ways the opposite of skin people, he is distinguished by an excellent memory, love of order, attention to detail, a tendency to perfectionism, slowness, thoroughness, honesty, respect for authorities. As Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology shows, time often flows "backward" for them, because the past has a greater value than the present and the future. Hence their dislike for change and the desire to avoid the latter.
The owner of the anal vector, dissatisfied with his work, will patiently hope for a change in the situation without taking any steps. Even experiencing shortages due to the lack of fulfillment or inconsistency of his capabilities with the work being performed, he will change the enterprise not of his own free will, but by coincidence: bankruptcy, liquidation or re-profiling of the company.
In the modern skin world with its fast rhythms and constant changes, a person with an anal vector is very often out of work: he is overtaken and pushed to the sidelines by more dexterous and enterprising owners of the skin vector. Insufficient implementation at work and in society leads to the fact that he long and painfully accumulates irritation and displeasure, hoping that the world, trampling on the traditions and precepts of fathers and grandfathers, will be re-educated. However, this does not happen, and dissatisfaction with life grows.
The owner of the anal vector is a very familial person. Home, children - the meaning and purpose of his life. It is he who is the best, caring and loyal husband, father, son, master by nature. But with a lack of social realization, he begins to put pressure on others, slipping into criticism and verbal violence. When sexual dissatisfaction is also superimposed on it, it can turn the best husband and father into a domestic tyrant. Divorce is "death-like" for an anal person, even if this is the only way out of the crisis. He will divide the cups, cut the chest of drawers with a hacksaw, set up a dividing wall so that everyone gets the same suffering and so that they understand who they have lost …
If for a skin man moving and any changes is a new step up, then for an anal person this is a painful process. After all, for him everything new is the strongest stress. The saying "Where he was born, there he came in handy" - for anal people. He will continue to sit in one place, bother, nag his wife and children.
To change the situation for the better, it is important to understand your psychological properties. There is no need for a person with an anal vector to pursue the cutaneous values of success. He, like no one else, can find himself in professions where analytical thinking and high quality work are needed. Such people are indispensable, for example, in teaching, where it is necessary to accurately transfer knowledge to future generations, and in many other professions.
Those who know how to love
A person with a visual vector differs from others in a pronounced emotionality. As Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology says, no one, except visual people, has such a strong need for love and emotional connections. It is they who see the world in the diversity of all colors and shades of feelings, moods, experiences.
Often, spectators come to the barrier of the fortieth birthday dissatisfied with life. Not the job that I would like, not the partner I dreamed of, too boring city, on the streets of which I have to walk … People who are spectators engaged in "earthly" professions very often feel the desire to change their jobs for a more creative one. In reality, this is not always easy, since the current level of development of society places higher demands on us than the ability to draw on the rocks of a cave than our visual ancestors once did in ancient times.
However, today the opportunities before us are enormous. Gone are the days of solo artists with unique talent. Today, the work of designers and other representatives of visual Internet professions is in demand, which makes it possible to find their own implementation for a visual person. Also perfect for the owner of the visual vector and activities where you can show empathy, compassion for people, such as social assistance, volunteering and others. To determine your life path, you need to understand your true desires and mental characteristics.
In pair relationships, emotionally bright visuals do not always meet with understanding from partners. A person with an anal vector may not understand strong emotions, a dermal one may not like such manifestations, and a sound person may not share them. This is often the cause of discord in pairing relationships. It can be difficult for viewers to break up if they are afraid of losing, if not the best relationship, but the emotional connection with a partner that they have established over the years. And they experience the loss painfully until they fill their lives with new affection.
Eager to find meaning
A sound person often lives his whole life as a crisis, and this despite the fact that the sound vector provides him with the highest intellectual potential. In favorable circumstances allowing to achieve a high level of development, sound and visual people constitute the scientific and cultural elite of society. At the same time, due to their intellectual superiority and abstract unearthly interests, sound people are often asocial, prone to egocentrism and self-isolation.
For an audio professional, relationships at work are almost never easy or easy. Above average intelligence irritates colleagues. The innate lack of consumer aspirations puts him in the category of an outsider. Wherever he works, he is almost always alone. He changes his job not for a higher salary, but in search of better self-realization, a more interesting idea.
The soundman often creates a family following the standard of society. If he unites in marriage with a "non-sound" person, he maintains his distance and is doomed to be alone together. Tired of misunderstanding, and sometimes the active desire of others "to comb it under their own comb", leaves the family in search of the desired silence and guaranteed loneliness.
The soundman is not tied to the place of residence, because eternal questions relate to the universe, and not to the city of Bologoye. Moreover, he will not be kept in place by the tender feelings of mercantile attachment to the country house and garage.
It is important for a sound engineer to satisfy his conscious or unconscious desire for meaningfulness of being. Even a non-verbalized question about the meaning of life does not allow such a person to feel completely happy. He will experience difficult internal states, not understanding the actions of others and everything that is happening around. It is important for him, like no one else, to deeply understand himself and others, reveal what is hidden in our psyche and find the meaning of all that exists.
Before you change the world, try to understand it
To build a line of life in which there will be no place for crises provoked by our own mistakes, you need to understand the nature and roots of the unconscious. The one who has understood the peculiarities of his "I", who is clear about the aspirations and impulses of the soul coming from our unconscious, he will be able to successfully realize himself in society and in the family. Life will be joyful and fulfilling.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan opens eyes to the real causes of age-related crises. Understanding them provides the key to a solution. Even the Gordian knot can be untied without resorting to the sword if we are able to systematically analyze the problem.
For everyone who wakes up today with the thought: “I don’t want to go to this job,” and in the evening enters his entrance without joy, feeling bored with the gray routine and routine duties, the doors of an ambulance and absolutely emergency help are open. This is a free training in Systems Vector Psychology.
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