Fear of disappointing other people: how to overcome?
It is impossible to get rid of fears and become interested in other people by an effort of will. Serious dependence on the opinions and approval of other people and conclusions about their own imperfection, made in childhood, live in the unconscious and create a serious internal conflict …
Every time people treat me with sympathy, anxiety settles in their souls: what if they get to know me better and their opinion of me will change for the worse? The tension and fear are so strong that it's easier to avoid contact altogether than to experience the pain of the thought that I have disappointed someone.
Surprisingly, sometimes it seems that to please another person is even worse than not to like him.
After all, after the first feeling of joy that sympathy has arisen, a tense question arises: “What to do next? How can you justify your location and trust in yourself? I just want to hide and never communicate again.
For fear of disappointing another, we may give up something very interesting and desirable.
After a pleasant acquaintance, the man avoids a new meeting, fearing that this time something will go wrong. And if a meeting takes place, then intense attention to how the girl will react to his words, actions or appearance does not allow him to relax and kills all the possible joy from communication.
A girl can correspond for a long time on the Internet with a man whom she really likes, but every time she finds some excuse to refuse to meet with him. “What if I'm better in the photo than in life? What if he doesn't like my facial expressions? How to speak? Scary. And how painful it is to imagine the disappointment on his face.
Unlived lives, failed relationships, or simply communicating with other people in constant bodily and mental stress - this is what the soul-exhausting fear dooms us to, behind which is the pain of the thought that you might not meet the expectations of other people.
Let us consider the unconscious reasons for the formation of this fear with the help of the knowledge of the training "System-vector psychology".
Praise me - means I exist
The fear of disappointing others can arise in people who have an anal-visual ligament of vectors in their psychic. Such people from childhood strive to be good and are very sensitive to the opinions and evaluations of other people.
A child with an anal vector is by nature the most obedient. Thanks to his mother's assessment of his behavior and actions, he forms an idea of himself and the world around him. The first experience is very important for him, he tends to fixate on the experience and project it onto the present. Therefore, the conclusions drawn in childhood often have a strong influence on him in adulthood.
The well-deserved approval of his mother is a reward for him and an additional incentive to action. Praise for a person with an anal vector is a confirmation signal that he needs: "I am doing everything right and well." After all, such a person seeks to do everything perfectly.
However, when faced in childhood with excessive criticism, unflattering assessments of his behavior, such a child may develop a negative self-image and lack of confidence in his abilities. “Whatever I do, I am doing it wrong! I am not good enough and not worthy of love”- such a conclusion is fixed in his psyche.
Lack of self-esteem
When, in addition to the anal, the child has a visual vector, criticism and disapproval of loved ones are perceived even more painfully.
A child with a visual vector especially needs a strong emotional connection with his mother, her attention and warmth. Very sensitive, receptive, he appreciates everything beautiful, sublime, has a rich imagination, capable of amplifying any emotion that he receives from the outside, many times over.
The main value of a person with a visual vector is love. To love and be loved is his strongest desire. Love and dislike are the main criteria by which the visual person perceives the world. Criticism, especially from close people, hurts the visual person, becomes evidence that he is not loved.
The feeling that he is not loved touches the sensitive soul of the anal-visual child and leads to the loss of a sense of security and safety. And this inevitably leads him to self-doubt and fear.
Critical remarks, a lack of emotional connection with loved ones can confirm him in the thought that something is wrong with him, he is not beautiful enough internally and / or externally, not attractive to other people, unpleasant. And imagination increases the problem and adds dark colors to the perception of oneself.
In the future, he may be ashamed of himself. It seems to him that others see all his, often imaginary, imperfections like in a magnifying glass, and he is constantly under the gun of the eyes of people who strictly assess him. It seems that whatever he does, he is not doing well enough, right, beautifully.
Even if such a person feels that someone likes it, instead of the joy of communication, fear prevails in him. He experiences constant inner anxiety that the charm will subside and the "truth" about himself - his shortcomings - will be revealed to other people.
"You thought well of me, but in fact your opinion is wrong, I am not good enough, handsome, clever, interesting." Contact with other people causes negative experiences, fear distorts the perception of the situation, and a person constantly finds confirmation of his fears, even in situations where there is not even a hint that people are disappointed in him.
How to communicate without fear?
Avoiding contact with other people, a person with a visual vector falls into the shackles of fear even more. After all, not realizing natural emotionality in communication with other people, he is more and more immersed in his experiences and more and more winds himself up.
For a person suffering from the fear of being rejected, not to be liked, it is very important to direct his natural sensitivity and attentiveness to the inner states of people, to shift the focus from his experiences to the inner world of another. Not to hide from people behind the walls of a safe home, but to communicate, create emotional connections with others, to realize in positive emotions the ability to feel, given by nature.
An emotional connection arises when we acquire the ability to discern the soul of another, the ability to feel someone else's pain or joy, to feel what he feels, how the other person lives. This is what we learn, getting acquainted with the peculiarities of the psyche at the training "System-vector psychology", taking successive steps towards people. This is the ability to empathize, sympathize, feel other people's problems and sorrows with all your soul. The more often and more a visual person takes these steps, the further he moves away from his fears and phobias.
When you think about others, their feelings, you no longer try to anxiously guess what they think of you. And people, feeling this attention, feel mutual affection and sympathy.
This relieves colossal internal stress and dramatically changes the state of a person. This is what makes it possible to build relationships with other people not on the shaky soil of fears and worries, but on a real interest in each other, which only increases with this approach.
Get rid of fears and understand other people
It is impossible to get rid of fears and become interested in other people by an effort of will. Serious dependence on the opinions and approval of other people and the conclusions about their own imperfection, made in childhood, live in the unconscious and create a serious internal conflict.
Everything changes when we become aware of the nature of our fears. At the same time, fear ceases to rule our lives. And the understanding of the psyche of other people, which we acquire during the training, makes them understandable and close. Communication becomes really easy and interesting, and this opens up a completely new perception of life.
Many have already got rid of fears at the training "System-vector psychology":
Start a new life without fear and disappointment, come to the free online training "System Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
