A deuce in a son's diary - how to properly adapt to school?
A first grader doesn't want to go to school. The child is afraid to remain in the classroom without a mother, throws a tantrum. The kid defies the teacher, fights with classmates. Someone gets lost in oral questioning, does not go out for recess and sits alone in a corner.
As a rule, if parents began to read articles about how to adapt a child to school, it means that they faced serious problems. We do not grab our heads and look for an answer until a roasted cock pecks us. Life itself pushes us to seek answers.
A first grader doesn't want to go to school. The child is afraid to remain in the classroom without a mother, throws a tantrum. The kid defies the teacher, fights with classmates. Someone gets lost in oral questioning, does not go out for recess and sits alone in a corner.
What happens to children after September 1?
Everything is on schedule
School psychologists explain the above symptoms by the child's adaptation to new conditions, to the new demands that society presents to him. Not all children are ready for this; everyone needs a different time to get used to.
The optimal adaptation period is considered to be from two to six months. At the same time, adaptation is understood as the student's adaptation to the conditions of his environment. The following adaptation components are distinguished:
- physiological (it is taken into account how the child's body is developed in accordance with age norms, his state of health);
- psychological (development of cognitive processes, thinking, formation of motivation for learning, will);
- social (have you developed communication skills, the ability to interact in a team, follow the rules).
Two main factors determine the success of adaptation to school: the child's personal readiness for school and the school's readiness for learning the child. The first grader is faced with a new daily routine, new rules, a new team, a new academic load.
Moreover, the educational material of the first half of the year largely coincides with the knowledge that the child received in the senior group of a preschool institution or in preparatory courses.
It is believed that in a difficult period of adaptation, it is not necessary to introduce new knowledge, but it is important to teach a different attitude to learning itself. In kindergarten, the child acquired knowledge involuntarily, in a playful way, and in the first grade he must be aware of the educational task.
Distinguish grain from chaff
The reasons for negative changes in the behavior of a first grader, such as depression, feelings of fear and insecurity, unwillingness to go to school, aggressiveness, lethargy, are mainly explained by specialists as:
- the child's unpreparedness for school on a personal level (motivation, will, cognitive processes are not developed, communication skills are not formed, poor physical health);
- shortcomings in the work of a primary school teacher;
- wrong position of the family, its low cultural level, material insecurity.
In addition, it is emphasized that the seven-year crisis leaves its mark on the passage of the adaptation period. There is a transition from visual-figurative to verbal-logical thinking. The child begins to think like an adult.
As soon as you encounter a specific problem, you will hear from teachers and a school psychologist only general words of support, requests to wait, be patient, love the child, pay attention to him, as well as complaints that you have not given something, overlooked. No precise reasons will follow to explain your child's behavior. You will be left, by and large, alone with your misfortune.
Go surf the Internet in search of a solution to the problem, study such someone else's experience. Perhaps it will help. A classic example:
“My son went to first grade. We expected it to be difficult, but we didn't think it would be so difficult. We went to kindergarten a little, because the child had problems with peers, educators, it was hard to endure separation from me, sat and cried bitterly. Before school, we set up our son to be positive, as the child psychologists ordered, and went to preparatory courses for a whole year. We consulted a psychologist, psychotherapist, neurologist, child psychiatrist, in general, the whole set.
They say that the character, temperament is such that he gets used to, that I spoiled him, that the problem is increased anxiety and lack of communication skills. Only the result is zero: my son is afraid to enter the classroom, he is afraid to stay there without me, he shies away from the children and is still crying. At the same time, in terms of study, everything is in order, he understands everything, remembers, willingly does his homework. The class is good, the teacher is wonderful.
For now, we stopped at the fact that I will be standing outside the classroom door, although my classmates tease me for the fact that he is all the changes with me. I try to make friends with them outside school, but my hands are already giving up."
Reviews from other parents are full of stories of similar cases, which must be a little calming for the mother, but does not solve the difficulties with the child. Many members of the forum began to reproach her for not taking her son to kindergarten. Of course, they are right, but time has passed, and now what should the mother do? Going to lessons with a first grader while he gets used to it? Standing outside the classroom door? Take the most sedatives and give them to your child?
Get to the point
Disadaptation at school is seen in a completely different light after Yuri Burlan's training in System Vector Psychology. Knowledge of innate properties (vectors) helps to understand which children are at risk and what needs to be done to help them. It is immediately clear that in the given example we are talking about a boy with an anal vector. Obedient, very attached to his mother, homebody by nature. For him, changes in life are always painful, he does not easily get used to a new situation, since the past is valuable to him. He was always better before than now, than he will be in the future. He has well-developed cognitive processes, he is able to process a lot of information, put it on the shelves, find out inaccuracies and close the gaps in his knowledge. He thinks deeply. Persevering, calm, diligent.
The task of the parents is to create for him the feeling “my home is my fortress”, while adapting to society. Be sure to send to kindergarten so that he develops communication skills. He will be a loyal, reliable friend. It's just that it's hard for him to make independent decisions, start new acquaintances and accept everything new - here parents, especially mom, should provide support. Do not raise your voice at him, praise him for a successful action and push you to communicate, to leave your own cave, showing how good it is there.
In this situation, the mother needs to reconsider her attitude towards the child. Her passivity in the face of any difficulties (which is why they did not go to kindergarten), hyper-care deprived her son of self-confidence. It will be right to find him friends at school, and the mother - to clearly understand what she wants for her child, to realize the reasons for her behavior. Does she really want her son to grow up like a mama? You need to calmly (you cannot raise your voice to anal children - they will fall into a stupor) to explain to him what school is, what and how it happens there, the sequence of your actions when she comes to pick him up. Be sure to praise him for his successes (deservedly).
An anal child is not interested in material benefits, he is in dire need of the approval of others, kind words. One of his biggest fears is the fear of public shame and the fact that he is ridiculed, teased in the class - extremely negative experiences for him. He will carry the unsuccessful first experience of getting to know the school throughout his life, as well as a deep resentment against his classmates, a teacher, and parents who could not find the key to his heart.
It is necessary to create a successful situation for the anal child in the classroom. For example, instruct him to learn a poem and praise in front of all the students in the class, to note his outstanding abilities, which in fact is so.
Children with an anal vector become future medalists, excellent students. Brilliant opportunities for learning are given to them, but how they are implemented depends largely on us adults.
Ah, that's why!
"Parents, diagnose your baby with a psychologist in advance, then you will avoid many problems in the future!" - call us.
In some cases, this measure helps, but these are general recommendations, known to all parents, that a first grader should be physically and psychologically prepared for changes in his daily routine, for completing educational tasks, for multidimensional communication. Relatives are obliged to be close to the child, to lend a shoulder in difficult times.
Yes, everyone's advice is clear as daylight, but few follow them - teachers see this as the main problem of schoolchildren's maladjustment. In fact, the reasons are deeper. When there are no specific tips and explanations of why it is important to follow them, then parents, often completely immersed in their careers and everyday life, do not change anything in their attitude towards children. They bring the situation to a critical one.
We reveal secrets
The teacher G. S. Korotaeva in her article "Adaptation to School" conditionally divides the first graders into three groups according to the degree of adaptation. Practical observations become clearer if we consider them through the magnifying glass of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology.
The best
“The first group of children adapts during the first two months of schooling. These children join the team relatively quickly, get used to school, and make new friends. They are almost always in a good mood, they are calm, benevolent, conscientious and fulfill all the requirements of the teacher without visible tension."
Children with a skin vector, who quickly know how to adapt to new conditions, find an approach to people, quickly answer the teacher's question. For them, life changes are a joy. Skinners will grow up to be disciplined, responsible, punctual if their properties are developed.
They can easily restrict their desires. They strive to embody ambitions, to be the first. Difficulties arise with those skin children whose parents neglected the daily routine, did not set clear boundaries of what was permitted, beat them - then they become class hooligans, are regularly late, are constantly distracted.
Comes like a giraffe
Children of the second group “cannot accept the new teaching situation, communication with the teacher, children. Such students can play in the classroom, sort things out with a friend, they do not react to the teacher's comments or react with tears, resentment. As a rule, these children also experience difficulties in mastering the curriculum, only by the end of the first half of the year the reactions of these children become adequate to the requirements of the school, the teacher."
Students with an anal vector fall into this category. Out of habit, they continue to play in the lesson, as in a kindergarten. Only six months later they adapt to the changed environment. They get used to the new rules, to the team. Resentment is a manifestation of the anal vector. Tantrums, tears are typical for children with a visual vector. Emotional, sensitive, receptive.
In such a situation, parents and teachers need not to urge, not humiliate the child, praise, not shout. Anal children want recognition, approval from adults, especially the teacher. It is important that he has companions. Often among them there is a skin child, who subsequently pushes the anal one to active actions already within the team.
On the verge of a foul
The third group includes those children who have significant difficulties with adaptation, about whom teachers complain, and the parents themselves do not understand their behavior.
Thus, the reaction of active protest is clearly demonstrated by children with a urethral vector. "Rude, does not obey the teacher." They win their place under the sun with fearlessness, courage, and pressure. Daring, active, energetic, without authorities in their heads. Often there is a tug of power in class management between the urethral and the teacher.
A wise teacher knows how to direct the energy of the child leader in the right direction. In this case, a mistake on the part of the teacher will be to prove his innocence, to try to rein in the child, to suppress him. There will be no winners in this war. Everyone will suffer. Any demotion in the rank of the urethral, ridiculing him causes a storm of anger and rage. And the reaction by action - "run to dash".
Teachers often complain about the "wits" in the class. In such a child, the mouth does not close. He is always ready to speak, if there would be free ears. He jokes, lies, gossips - if only they listen to him. A child with an oral vector who thinks by speaking. He has verbal intelligence, so the teacher needs to give the oral child a legitimate reason to speak in front of the whole class, for example, to commission reports.
The group of children demonstrating the reaction of passive protest and the so-called reaction of anxiety and uncertainty includes children with a sound vector. They are not like that. Not of this world.
"The child rarely raises his hand in class, fulfills the teacher's requirements formally, is passive at recess, prefers to be alone, does not show interest in group games."
The soundman is self-directed, he is an introvert. He has a rich inner world. He is focused on his thoughts, experiences, and it takes him time to switch to what is happening in the outside world. Loud noise, screams create an aggressive habitat for the sensitive ear of the little sonic. He needs silence. If you do not put pressure on him, create an atmosphere of calm at home, then academic success will not be long in coming.
In the risk category, there may be a closed, unsociable, inconspicuous olfactory and skin-visual boy, effeminate, whose susceptibility sometimes provokes the ridicule of classmates and turns him into the scapegoat of the class. It is important to understand that children in elementary school are like a primitive flock, in a team they are ranked according to species roles, behave according to an animal model: the fittest survives. Initially, children's souls have hostility towards their neighbors, but love, compassion, and humanity must be taught them. School is the very place where children from little savages become, first of all, real people.
So, how the school adaptation will take place depends on the innate properties of the child and on how much we, adults, will be ready to create favorable conditions for the development of natural potential and provide the child with competent assistance in case of problems.
