Children's fears - why they arise and how to deal with them
There are many different ways to diagnose and correct childhood fears. All kinds of questionnaires, games, verbalization, fairy tale therapy are good additional tools that can be offered to you in the centers of psychological help. But without deep psychoanalysis and working out the causes of children's fear, it is not easy to cope with this problem completely and without consequences for the child …
- No more strength! I myself am already shaking from the hysterics of my son. He's afraid of everything! At midnight I sit with him and hold his hand, until the morning the lights are on in the nursery and in the corridor. Not only does the darkness scare him, but the dream itself. During the day, he also does not remain alone in the room. My husband and I are already quarreling about this. He shouts: “What a man is growing! Stop clattering! And I feel sorry for the child.
- My daughter does not leave me a single step. We go to the platform, she will grab my skirt with a stranglehold and stand. All the children are playing, and mine is afraid. Other mothers look sideways at me. Mother-in-law says - spoiled. I can't do anything at home either, my daughter is on his heels. From every rustle shudders. The car will pass, someone grunts with a saucepan - immediately into tears.
- Our son is afraid of water - neither wash nor bathe. He even drinks juice from a spoon, it's scary from a glass.
- We are in trouble with the kindergarten. In the morning we wake up, the daughter immediately shouts "I will not go!" We persuade, lure, and deceive. Then we can shout. I understand that it's bad, but my husband and I go to work, and there is no one to leave her with. So we walk down the street with roars and tears. Then the teacher pulls her away from me. I leave with a heavy heart, I also roar while I go to work. And in the evening, when I come for her, she doesn't want to go home. Here and understand.
So mothers say about painful things. They are worried about the fears of children. Ira is torn, exhausted, exhausted. Lena doubts herself, does not know what to do. Natasha re-read, reviewed everything that could be found on this topic. She went through "specialists" from psychologists to healer grandmothers. I tried all sorts of ways to help, calm down, console. Karina listened to all the opinions and recommendations of relatives, friends, neighbors, mothers on the site.
They all want to know where children's fears come from and can they be overcome? We will answer these questions using the materials of the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan.
To help children overcome fear, you need to clearly understand the reasons for its occurrence.
What is fear?
Fear is the body's natural reaction to danger. This ancient emotion, based on the instinct of self-preservation, contributed to the survival of our ancestors, activating reserve forces when a threat to life arose. What was the ancient man afraid of?
- Predators. You will not catch up - they will catch up with you.
- "Evil" tribesmen. Everyone strives to offend, cheat, take away.
- Expulsion from the pack to certain death. Outside of society, a person is not able to survive to this day.
Growing up, a child goes through stages of development similar to the evolution of our species. In the process of growing up, all emotions, including fear, develop and change.
Features of children's fears and their causes
Negative nervous excitement of babies, fear, tears or tantrums often occur in situations in which there is no real threat to the child's life or health.
There are three main reasons for childhood fears.
1. Fears in children during development
As mentioned above, age-related fears are evolutionarily determined. This is not a pathology, but a natural part of the mechanism of personality formation.
- A child under one year old is completely helpless and defenseless. He is frightened by loud sounds, sudden movements, unexpected change of scenery.
- From a year to three, the baby learns to walk, speak, begins to distinguish between people around him, dividing into relatives and strangers. The child may begin to be afraid of heights (afraid to fall), react violently to strangers, or get scared not to find his mother or someone from his family nearby.
- From the age of three, children begin to realize their separation from others. This is me, and this is them. Often at this age the child goes to the garden, new social contacts, new rules and restrictions arise. At this stage, there is often a fear of breaking with the usual environment, separation from mom. Children become aware of their actions and the consequences associated with them (fear of punishment).
- Preschoolers develop their imaginations. And since children do not distinguish reality from fiction, they can be frightened of fairy-tale characters and fictional heroes. This is especially evident in impressionable children with a visual vector. You will learn about them below.
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Closer to school, the perception of space and time is significantly formed in children. By this time, many children have had time to face death: a beloved four-legged friend got hit by a car, a relative fell seriously ill, and their grandmother passed away. The child asks questions: "Where do they disappear?", "What will happen to me?" He is frightened by the unknown, loneliness, death.
- In adolescence, the child gradually moves away from his parents, prefers the society of his peers, looks for his place in the team, trains to build adult relationships. On this basis, fears of loneliness, misunderstanding, exile, loss of friends or status can arise. A teenager often hides his true emotions, less often shares with his parents, so his psychological imbalance can go unnoticed for a long time. The problem is not solved, fears increase and can be fixed for a long time.
If a child at a certain stage of development shows fear, anxiety, anxiety - this is normal. Usually, these symptoms disappear as the baby grows up. If unpleasant conditions persist or worsen, then the following reasons are involved.
2. The influence of the environment
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the atmosphere in the family and the state of mind of the mother
To develop normally, a child must feel protected and safe from adults. The smaller the child, the stronger the bond with the mother. Closer to puberty, the psychological umbilical cord weakens, the authority of the parents falls.
The mother, in turn, receives peace of mind from her husband, whose role is to protect and provide for the family.
If a mother is raising a child alone, is forced to be torn between work and home, is worried about pressing everyday problems, she often does not have enough time and emotional strength to communicate with the child. He feels lonely, unnecessary, anxious and fearful.
The same happens if the parents often quarrel, shout, the child becomes a witness or even the object of aggression or violence.
It also happens vice versa. The family is well-off, and the mother can afford to leave her job and devote all her time to home and children. But this is not the main value for all women. Some mothers are cramped within four walls. Their soul requires activity, communication with people. Not getting what they want is stressful for women. Some may develop anxiety states, fears up to panic attacks. Others, without immersion in their favorite, meaningful business, tend to lose interest in life itself.
Different women, different fates, different states. But if mom is bad, the child is bad.
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prohibitions and restrictions
Care and attention should be adequate - appropriate for the child's age and situation. Excessive custody and anxiety of the mother directly affects the child. If the closest person is worried, the guarantor of my peace of mind, then the danger is near.
Active mothers with a skin vector tend to restrict their children: “don't go there, don't get into a puddle, don't take it …”.
Unhurried, thorough, but sometimes overly anxious women with an anal-visual ligament of vectors often warn: "you will fall, you will hit, you will get sick …".
The world looks dangerous. Unjustified prohibitions and restrictions instill in the child anxiety and uncertainty. On this basis, various imbalances in development can develop: fear of difficulties, fear of making a mistake, disobeying mother, communicating with people, taking initiative. These manifestations depend on the psychological characteristics of the baby.
- threats It is hidden from a person how the psyche works. Parents often do not understand the child's reactions to certain situations, get angry, irritated. Desperate to achieve obedience, they sometimes resort to threats: "I will not love, I will call a policeman, and Baba Yaga will take them away." Not feeling confident and supported by adults, the child loses his footing. This does not level out the behavior, and the mental discomfort only intensifies.
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containment of emotional distress
Some parents consider tears to be weak. Dads with an anal vector react especially painfully to crying sons. “What nuns have dismissed! Guys don't cry! If you cry, I won't take you out of the kindergarten!"
The child is left alone with his misfortune, does not feel support, emotional closeness from the closest people. Children should experience emotions, share them, building sensual connections with other people. Otherwise, the unspent spiritual fire continues to blaze inside, burning bridges with the outside world. And on the remaining ashes, over time, all kinds of fears grow.
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frightening tales
An unexpected but very significant cause of children's fears is … fairy tales. Without suspecting anything, many parents read to their kids at night stories about Kolobok, seven kids, Little Red Riding Hood, where the heroes are eaten by a fierce beast or an insidious robber. Children associate themselves with the characters of a fairy tale and day after day they live in horror, feeling like a defenseless victim. This activates the most ancient human fear - to be eaten by a predator or cannibal.
Correct fairy tales, on the contrary, have a healing effect and contribute to the harmonious development of the child.
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negative experience
Real stressful situations can greatly scare a child and gain a foothold in his memory for a long time. For example, a child was bitten by a dog, he survived a car accident, knocked over a kettle of boiling water, fell and broke his arm. A traumatic event can be displaced into the subconscious, fixed for a long time. For example, if a child almost drowned, then it is possible that he will avoid water procedures all his life. And if they help him to work out this experience in a timely manner, support, teach him to swim, then negative consequences can be avoided. Therefore, you need to correctly talk about the incident with the child, and not pretend that nothing happened in the hope that he will quickly forget everything.
- experiences associated with death and funeral The meeting with death can become a strong stress factor for a child. Especially grave consequences arise in impressionable children with a visual vector. Wreaths near the entrance, funeral music, crying relatives cause strong negative emotions in the child. Under no circumstances force the baby to come to the coffin to say goodbye to the deceased, and try to protect him from the entire funeral procedure.
3. Individual psychological characteristics of children's fears
All children are different. The same situations can cause different reactions in everyone. It depends on the set of innate properties and qualities of the psyche (vectors).
The visual vector is a special emotional sensitivity. The strength and depth of the experiences of small spectators are many times greater than that of other children. Looking back at the primitive flock, one can understand why this is so.
Individuals with a visual vector were less adapted to life than others. The weakest, most sensitive, vulnerable, unable to stand up for themselves, they often became easy prey for predators or a ritual victim of their fellow tribesmen.
In addition, the eyes are the most sensitive organ of such people. The ability to distinguish the smallest details and shades of color, to catch minimal changes in the surrounding world is the main tool with which a primitive man could receive information from the outside, adapt to a situation, and survive. But in the dark, this sensor does not work. That which is indiscernible is fraught with danger, frightens, threatens with destruction.
Therefore, the fear of death is historically inscribed in the mental program of a person with a visual vector. This most powerful emotion persists to this day and is activated even at the slightest hint of threat or danger.
This feature, plus a rich imagination, impressionability, emotional instability, raise the fears of visual children to the highest degree. Especially such kids are badly affected by scary tales and trips to the cemetery, the prohibition to express their emotions and cry is extremely detrimental. It is for them that the darkness is most terrible, because it not only hides real objects, but also revives the monsters and monsters born of the wild imagination.
Symptoms of fear in children
The difference in the properties of the psyche affects not only the susceptibility to fears and the intensity of their living, but also what symptoms they can manifest themselves with.
Visual children react particularly violently and variedly. They often have wet and cold hands, tears and tantrums, sleep disturbances, nightmares, lack of appetite, even refusing to eat.
Children with an anal vector react to stressful, frightening situations with a stupor, slowing down all reactions. They may experience abdominal pain, digestive problems, or stuttering.
Skin babies in such cases, on the contrary, become excessively fussy and nervous, they can begin to bite their nails, twist on their fingers or pull out their hair, constantly fiddle with something in their hands. They may develop tics or obsessive movements.
How parents can help a child overcome fear
There are many different ways to diagnose and correct childhood fears. All kinds of questionnaires, games, verbalization, fairy tale therapy are good additional tools that can be offered to you in the centers of psychological help. But without deep psychoanalysis and working out the causes of children's fear, it is not easy to cope with this problem completely and without consequences for the child.
To help a child get rid of fears, you must:
- Provide him with a sense of complete security and safety.
The main person in a child's life is mom. If she is calm, happy, confident in the future, interacts correctly with the baby, then he feels safe and develops harmoniously.
Having figured out herself, in the peculiarities of her psyche, mom begins to radiate calm and confidence, turns into a valiant knight, able to defeat any child's fear.
- Know the individual psychological characteristics of the child (vectors).
By deeply understanding the inner nature of the child, parents can properly build communication with him, according to the innate properties of his soul. For example, to send the imagination of a visual kid to a peaceful channel, by enrolling him in a drawing, recitation or theatrical skill circle.
- Build strong emotional bonds between all family members and, of course, with children. Talk about everything with each other, share impressions, experiences, concerns, trust and support.
- Read the right books with children. Strictly avoid cannibalistic and other frightening stories. It is especially important to protect impressionable children with a visual vector from such literature, because they are the ones who get the most real mental trauma from reading it. Choose works of compassion. Worrying about the heroes, the child learns to feel others without focusing on himself. When the heart is full of love, there is no place for fear.
All these recommendations not only help to cope with childhood fears, but are also ideal prevention of many other psychological problems.
Dear parents, help your child get rid of nightmares and evil monsters, insomnia and tantrums, anxiety and anxiety! You can do it!
Read the reviews of those who have already managed to snatch their babies out of the clutches of fear:
Detailed information about the individual characteristics of the psyche of adults and children, harmonious methods of upbringing, taking into account the personal qualities of each child, victory over fears, phobias, tantrums, panic attacks, you can find on the portal https://www.yburlan.ru/ in the sections Library and VIO, as well as at free online lectures by Yuri Burlan.
