Man and woman. Sincere conversation as a way to create intimacy
In paired relationships, people often do not talk about their needs, believing that everything is already clear, that the other must guess without words. However, it is a big mistake to think that the other person will figure it out on his own. It is necessary to speak, because we have not yet learned to understand each other without words …
Relationships in a couple are a whole art that every person, probably, dreams of mastering. What are the components of a long and happy life together for two loving people? Various formulas for happiness are offered. But the most correct one, which is dictated by the natural laws of nature. The disclosure of these laws is offered by the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.
One of the most important elements of a strong union between a man and a woman is an emotional connection and, as a result, deep trusting relationships in a couple. But often people are not ready to talk to each other about what is in their souls, sometimes they simply do not know how or are afraid to be sincere, especially as a result of bad experience.
How to overcome this fear and open up to another person? Why is it worth the risk and how to do it right? Let's try to answer these and many other questions with the help of system-vector psychology, which explains how to create trusting relationships in a couple, depending on the desires and sets of mental properties of each of the partners, which are called vectors.
Are we ready to talk?
Let's see what can prevent us from creating an emotional connection.
It happens that people do not want to share their negative experiences, doubts (especially men) because of fears that this may develop into a constant showdown and splashing out tension on each other. This risk exists if people do not understand themselves, their conditions.
Another reason for underestimating the importance of trusting communication is self-focus. We do not hear another person, do not understand his states, his aspirations, reacting only to our pain from the words of another. When our finger hurts very much, we don't care about the mental pain of even a very close person. This comes from the feeling of our own oneness, as if we are alone in this world, and the rest are just an application to us.
Many people, especially people with a skin vector, who are prone to limitations in everything, including in the expression of their own emotions, have false beliefs about the need to talk to their spouse. So, a dermal woman may not tell her partner that she loves him, implying that “I myself must understand. Why waste words?"
In paired relationships, people often do not talk about their needs, believing that everything is already clear, that the other must guess without words. However, it is a big mistake to think that the other person will figure it out on his own. It is necessary to speak, because we have not yet learned to understand each other without words.
Silence between a man and a woman living together is possible only if they both have a sound vector, for the owners of which, as Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology says, silence and solitude are an absolute must. When two sound people are silent, it is natural for them. At the same time, they are synchronous in their actions, they feel the unity of interests, they have something to keep silent about. It fills them. In other cases, silence is a lack of communication, leading to misunderstanding, discord.
About the fear of betrayal
We are also sometimes afraid of betrayal. What if our candor is used to our detriment? What if our words and experiences become the subject of ridicule and discussion?
Here it is worth weighing the risk that we receive by opening our souls (of course, not to the first person we meet, but to the person to whom we are attracted, with whom we want to build relationships), and the pleasure from rapprochement, unity of souls, which leads to the creation of a truly happy relationships, including sexual ones. What can be more pleasure from a spiritual connection with another person? It's worth the risk.
Moreover, the risk is not as great as it seems to us. If you understand the person with whom you are building a relationship just as well, and even better than he understands himself. Even the basic knowledge about the human psyche, obtained at the training in system-vector psychology, makes this possible for everyone.
Features of communication with a representative of the anal vector
In some cases, an attempt to talk about intimate things can end in conflict. Men for whom the first experience, purity of relationships, loyalty are important (these are the owners of the anal vector), as a rule, react very painfully to the frankness of their lover's previous relationship. Although they are often interested in this. This is because they want to be the best, but are not always confident in themselves.
A woman who decides in this case to go for this kind of frankness runs the risk of falling into the trap of her own gullibility. As Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology says, the psyche of a person with an anal vector is turned into the past, which is preferable for him than the present. He is ready to admit in advance that everything that was before is better. Having learned about the "former", an anal man, having a very good memory, will never be able to forgive her her past lovers, because, in his opinion, they are a priori better than him. He will reproach her with this at every opportunity.
Such a conversation has its own characteristics, which are best taken into account in order to make communication as pleasant and fruitful as possible for both partners. System-vector psychology gives us very precise recommendations on this matter.
The Role of Women in the Art of Soul Conversation
A woman always sets the tone in a relationship. She is desirable, and the man goes where she unconsciously attracts him. Therefore, it is easier and more natural for a woman to start a sincere, sincere conversation, that is, to be naked mentally. It is much easier for her than for a man to be open. This does not mean the exchange of rational information (paying bills, going to the store, vacation plans), we need it in everyday life, but it does not mean creating an emotional connection.
Starting to talk about herself, about her feelings, sharing intimate, a woman involves a man in confidential communication. And he responds, responds with frankness to frankness, because this is always a mutual process.
At the same time, you should not be afraid to show yourself how you feel, how you want it, even if there is no such attitude from the other side yet. The man will gradually get involved. You walk forward and he follows you.
The rapprochement of souls occurs gradually, you should not start with difficult and painful revelations. Allow intimacy first. It is better to start with some innocent but dear childhood memories, possibly related to food, or children's secrets. This will naturally relieve some of the initial tension from revealing the secret. Give the man the opportunity to answer, to open up himself, to speak. Listen to it, focus on it. Make it clear how you appreciate his sincerity.
Gradually, you will feel trust and will be able to share even more intimate things and inner states. This is especially important for carriers of the sound-visual ligament of vectors, for whom mental and intellectual connections are the most important in life.
When there is an understanding of oneself and one's neighbor
Talking about inner states and feelings can bring loving people who deeply understand each other closer together. They understand the peculiarities of the psyche of a loved one, the reasons for his reactions and experiences. Such a deep recognition of each other occurs when both partners undergo training in System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan together.
The result of such a deep understanding is a relationship of trust, where there is no room for conflicts, irritation, disappointment from false expectations:
Possible negative states - fears, resentments, the influence of past experience, depression - are worked out during the training and stop tormenting the person. In the future, awareness of the nature of various internal states makes it easy to solve issues that arise in life, to understand each other perfectly, and of course, it is easy to get around the pitfalls in paired relationships.
For example, if a man suspected of cheating on his wife, who is a representative of the anal vector, tortured himself and her with jealousy, then after the training an understanding comes of what her nature is, how she is mentally arranged, and there is a realization that suspicions have no grounds. Understanding that a loved one has an anal vector that endows its carrier with the qualities of fidelity, devotion, monogamy, gives confidence that betrayal is impossible, this is simply not in its properties. There is no need to ask all the time where the wife was and how she spent the evening.
A woman with emotional swings in the visual vector (tantrums), understanding their cause, is quite capable of coping with them on her own, correctly directing her emotional potential, without focusing on her partner only, without arranging tantrums and clarifying the relationship.
Sometimes we do not see something important in ourselves, and the person who is nearby can become our mirror, especially if he has gone through a systemic psychological educational program. Spouses with knowledge of vectors can jointly solve their psychological problems. And then a sincere conversation will become for them a real psychotherapy, recovery and an occasion for even greater rapprochement.
Partners with a sound vector in this case are able to reach a state when the line between souls is erased, and they become as a single whole. Knowing themselves and another person allows them to feel the meaning of life, which is their greatest desire, which they cannot always verbalize. Systemic thinking makes it possible to feel the desires of the other as their own, as if to merge with his mental. Sound people are able to create a perfect connection, the only one that has not yet been created between people - a connection between souls.
Anyone can be happy in a relationship if they know how. You can learn more about the different facets of the art of relations between a man and a woman at the training on System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. Register for free introductory online lectures here:
