You can't leave to stay. Why is the husband a tyrant and I am the victim
How to explain to her and to many people like her that there is no mysticism and evil spells in the fact that two people live one for two life scenario “victim-tyrant”. She is rather ready to believe in some kind of magical ritual than in the fact that her life is going along the same track, where she is a victim, attracting just such "decent educators" who know how to live and will definitely teach her this life …
A fragile girl who does not know what tremendous powers are hidden in her soul.
Her call was not unexpected. Excitedly, she told me that she tried to get away from him. But he does not give her things and documents. She didn’t cry, didn’t complain, she simply said: “I have nowhere to go, can I come to you?”
The story is not new and repeats itself in millions of variations, only the roles and the ending are the same. Are women doomed to fall into the victim role? How to distinguish who is in front of you at the stage of dating? A tyrant man or a sincerely loving and caring person? In fact, warning signs are visible long before the start of a serious relationship, it is just that we did not know anything about them before the SVP.
This fragile, sweet creature, which was once a long-legged, slender beauty, looked like a dried-up branch, ready to break from any breath of air. What was he doing with her? Beal. He humiliated. He reproached him for his benevolence. And now she does not understand why she ran away from him and at the same time does not want to talk and sort things out.
She sat with me, frightened and defenseless. But I know for sure that the thinness of her body does not at all mean the fragility of her soul. And why she comes across either those who want to use it as a beautiful attribute of life, but without obligations, or have it in their complete submission all their lives, I also already know. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan reveals why a person's fate develops anyway. The difficulty is finding the right words.
… And she said something about the pendant that he wears around his neck, supposedly he was charmed and that she urgently needed to go to her grandmother … It was the 21st century …
How to explain to her and to many people like her that there is no mysticism and evil spells in the fact that two people live one for two life scenario “victim-tyrant”. She is rather ready to believe in some kind of magical ritual than in the fact that her life is going along the same track, where she is a victim, attracting just such "decent educators" who know how to live and will definitely teach her this life. And to make the teaching go faster, they will use fists.
My task is to help her understand what is happening to her and her fate. How to turn off this road without fortune-tellers and other esoteric nonsense. I will try to tell her about this using the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.
Who is she - the victim of a tyrant
People differ from each other not only in hair color, eyes, body structure, height and weight. Their internal structure of the psyche, hidden from the eyes, differs more than the appearance of an elephant and, say, a fly. To realize your inner world, to understand, to make explicit the features of the psyche - the beginning of a new, different life.
Fragile on the outside, but strong on the inside, the skin-visual beauty, whom her father did not like in childhood, humiliated her and her mother (he considered them only a means to improve his own comfort), seeks love, but finds beatings and humiliations. This is a life scenario that cannot be dealt with by willpower.
The psyche of every person consists of vectors. A vector is a set of properties and desires. As these properties of a person developed in childhood, so they are realized in adulthood. If a child had a stable sense of security and safety, then it is highly likely that he will be able to develop to a greater extent and it will be easier for him to take place in life. If there was no sense of security, then development slows down, which then affects the ability to experience joy from life.
The skin vector is a striving for success, victory, social status. Skin people are flexible, agile, and easily adaptable. In turn, the visual vector carries the highest value of love and beauty. Spectators are the most emotional.
If the owner of the skin vector is humiliated in childhood, saying that he will not achieve anything, then the child experiences severe stress. After all, this is a blow to the most cherished dream, the main value in his life - success, this is a drop to the very bottom in the competition for the championship. A humiliated child with a skin vector grows up with a loser complex.
And if a boy, growing up, carries his scenario of a loser into society (he does not succeed in achieving success in work, business), then a girl with the same scenario realizes her failures in relationships.
It is important to understand that the skin of such people is an erogenous zone. They love affection, they love massages, they love touching and stroking. Broken man with skin vector learns to be a masochist. So the erogenous zone is retrained to receive pleasure not from caresses, but from pain.
The fact is that no one can live in constant stress, and the child's psyche protects itself. The brain learns to release endorphins with each new mental or physical shock. A person is retrained to enjoy the opposite. Now it comes not from affection and confidence in victory, but from humiliation and beatings. Kick - life-saving endorphins - pleasure.
A person with a visual vector was born to love the whole world and be loved. But love is also a science, and it is taught from childhood. They teach compassion, empathy, empathy. Visual people are the most open, loving and sensitive. And if in childhood the child was forbidden to express his feelings, depreciated or simply did not engage in the education of feelings, then a frightened, eternally afraid person will grow up, unable to sympathize with others, who only wants to be saturated with emotions - "Love me!" And this is not the worst thing that can happen to him.
A developed skin-visual girl shines with beauty, harmony, lightness of character, but at the same time has a steel rod. She is fearless and open, she is a real fighting friend, able to sympathize, empathize, love and be gentle, but at any moment she is ready to rush to save human life.
And the skin-visual beauty, who has a difficult life history behind her, childhood without a sense of security, visually experiences fear for her life, and in her skin carries a loser complex and dependence on internal endorphins released in response to pain. As usual, she will surely meet a tyrant who will beat and humiliate her. And he will not be able to leave him, since he cannot do otherwise. The unconscious pushes her into a relationship with the same scenario.
People with such a bunch of vectors do not know how to remember quarrels for a long time. Having run away from the tyrant and catching her breath free, she again looks in the direction where she had everything, no longer remembering how much she had to endure. And he knows how to wait for his domestic victim, patiently and persistently, luring her back, painting her how everything will be fine.
Why a reliable and permanent man is a tyrant
He is decent and fair. For him, the most important value is family, traditions, respect. The opinion of others is important to him. He will do everything to look authoritative, correct, worthy of respect in his circle. And they will bring up children in the spirit of the traditions of their ancestors, respect for elders. So that they grow up not as shame, but as the pride of their father.
Reasons for making a tyrant out of a man:
- The main one is the delay in psychosexual development in childhood, which is based on the loss of a sense of security and safety and often - resentment towards the mother.
Resentment against the mother and all women. The analytical mind of the anal vector, capable of generalizing everything, turns one single bad experience into a conclusion for the rest of your life. And the natural striving for cleanliness makes such a person divide the whole world into clean and dirty. This also applies to women. His main love of all life is his mother. And if mom, in his opinion, did not like or was not an example of motherhood, a saint, then trouble is to all women who met in his fate. The mother was not like that, which means that all women are bad. The girl left - I send all the women … That is, any woman for him is knowingly fallen, dirty, unworthy. He will bring up his wife in such a way as to bring her to clean water, to teach her to be a truly pure woman, adjusting to the image that he worships in his head and which he will never achieve in life, because resentment against his mother,on all women will always distort its reality.
Moreover, he considers himself a gift of fate for a dermal-visual butterfly with flapping eyes. He appeared in her life as a savior who literally "pulled the unfortunate woman out of the mud." And God forbid her to be ungrateful and not appreciate his good intentions.
- Unrealization in society
The anal vector gives its owner the ability to notice every detail, every little thing, so that nothing escapes attention and everything is corrected, sharpened to the absolute, of the highest quality. This applies to all areas of life. Perfectionists, the best professionals, masters of their craft - people only with an anal vector. Pedantic, scrupulous. Their greatest desire is to teach others what they can do. And without realizing it in life, in the profession, they transfer their abilities to the family. It's a pity not always at its best.
Yes, such a person will bring up everyone in the house. His instructive tone will sound at every turn. And the desire to be respected and honored will push him to look for evidence of this in his children and wife. And God forbid he will not see respect and admiration in their eyes before the owner and head of the house. The educational process will take place with a vengeance. "I am the master, I know how to live, and you are obliged to respect me for the fact that I feed you, protect you, teach you life." His rigid, stable psyche, incapable of adaptation, does not tolerate deviations from the established foundations. It is hard and painful for him to see how everything changes, how everything is wrong and everything is wrong. And he does not find anything better than to return everything to the right, in his opinion, place by force.
Two halves met. Tyrant man plus victim equals scenario
A skin-visual woman, having a negative life scenario, even if she tries very hard to adjust and please, will not go anywhere from her “fate”. Her behavior is completely dictated by the unconscious.
Wanting to get a portion of endorphins, she will run up for him to take out his resentment on everyone and everything, show aggression. And so she again left her slippers in the wrong place, did not lay the tablecloth evenly, did not do much in the day of household chores - here, get it! And if she also has her own thoughts, which are different from the thoughts and desires of the owner, then they must be knocked out immediately and irrevocably, so that she no longer dares even think differently than he.
Scandals, humiliation, beatings, tears, stormy reconciliations in bed give relief to her skin-visual ligament. She gets protection and safety during sex, her fears are removed, and the skin vector gets its share of pain.
They fit together. Tyrant and victim. She drives him, he hits her, reproaches and insults her. And this can go on forever, until at least one person realizes that he is participating in some already prepared play. There is no place for creativity in it, everything goes strictly according to the script plan. And this is not treated by grandmothers, astrologers, psychics. Only a deep awareness of yourself, your distorted pleasure principle and awareness of other people. Only serious and concentrated work on oneself, the correct implementation of the given properties will help to get out of the vicious circle.
The present and the future with a tyrant is predictable
“You can't leave to stay” - in this case, each woman puts the comma in her own way. But basically it turns out - "you can't leave." Rather, it is very difficult. A man with an anal vector is not at all ready for changes in life. And here not only is there a change, but the most sacred thing is also destroyed - the family. This fool must urgently return to her place and teach life, so that next time even the thought in her head does not arise to do this! An anal man cannot quickly adapt to new conditions.
He calls her every half hour with the same phrase: "Let's talk first, discuss everything, find out." And she says the same phrase: "I will not meet with you, I am afraid of you." But he calls back, and the record is repeated - "Let's meet, talk, discuss, find out everything."
Then he goes into threats. He threatens her with all punishments, promises to turn her life into one continuous problem. He longs for justice, because the anal vector lives only in justice. Everything should be symmetrical, even and necessarily fair. Only "fair" for an anal person is what he himself considers fair.
Then he looks for the guilty. After all, someone must be to blame. She herself could not think of such a thing, someone taught her. He will smear dirt on all her friends, acquaintances, relatives, mother. They all sang and said that. If not for them … And he will certainly forbid her to communicate, if she returns, with these nasty women, so as not to teach her "bad".
Then he tries to make up. Calls to the movies, writes about her love, promises her everything she wants. He is ready to do anything to get her back. But it will not do anything that it promises. On the contrary, everything will repeat itself with a vengeance. And his innate gigabyte memory will remember her every step, from her escape to her return. He will remember to her how she made him humiliate himself and ask him to return, how she humiliated his dignity when he ran after her. How many nerves she ruined him. He will remember all his experiences, and it will come back to haunt her. But she doesn't know about it yet.
Leaving a tyrant man is not easy. She encroached on the most sacred for him, and he is lost, he does not know how to live on. She destroyed everything: his established way of life, the role of the owner, all the values that bring pleasure collapsed in an instant, and he is desperately trying to bring everything back. He hurts in his own way.
And you have to be ready for a long and tedious parting, hours of talk and persuasion, threats and persecution. He will annoy her with daily calls and messages, explaining why she is wrong and why it is necessary to return everything back. Although there is another way - to use the knowledge of system-vector psychology, but they need to learn to follow. And this can only be the one who himself wants to change his life.
It's bad with a tyrant - it's boring without a tyrant
She takes on everything easily and with enthusiasm and just as easily gives up what she started, she watches videos on the Internet, how to stop being too impressionable, not realizing that nature itself created her this way and it is not for her to change it. All day this cute creature flies around the apartment, tries to make something pleasant, makes tea, tells what she has come up with, asks what else to do. And he smiles and looks with his big open eyes …
And then she gets bored day by day. She wants to do everything together, she is ready to chat for hours about manicures, love stories, make plans for life, listen to music, etc. But I work, she misses. And he calls, writes, tries to talk.
She distracts herself with online dating, dreams of a prince who will one day save her from this monster. And she doesn't know that she and her monster are one. Symbiosis, which can be destroyed only by realizing the hidden problems of your own psyche.
How to get rid of the victim script and not fall into the hands of the tyrant
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan gives full awareness of who you are and what is happening to you in this life. Latent desires control us without asking our conscious permission. Systemic knowledge helps to understand and realize who is next to you and why everything is going this way and not otherwise, and most importantly - how to get out of the vicious circle of unsuccessful destiny. This is proven over and over again by the testimonials of the trained people:
How to get away from a tyrant husband, how to get rid of a dangerous life scenario, how to learn to be yourself and meet your true love. You will learn everything about relationships, sexuality, raising children, finding the meaning of life, self-realization and many other things at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
While I was writing the article, she again went to him. Looking at me with some dim eyes, she said: "He promised that everything would be different." Did she believe it herself?
We talk on the phone sometimes. He continues to beat and humiliate her. She hopes for a miracle. Dreams of love, thinking that for this it is enough to look good and be able to lure a man. At the same time, continuing to live in a symbiosis of sadomasochistic relationships.
How many more of these incredible beauties live, afraid to stay outside the cage? Someone decides once and for all that they will pay for it with their health. And this is their choice. And for those who dare to spread their wings and learn to live truly happily, every two months there are free online lectures on systemic vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. After which life never remains the same.
You can sign up for free online lectures here.