A stubborn child turns … One day of systemic education of a little peasant
At first I try to act in an old-fashioned way, asking what the matter is, but a real man will only hum in response, folding his arms over his chest and looking sullenly. Standing in the middle of the road, I almost accept defeat, for it seems that this nut is too tough for me.
I come to the kindergarten for my little man, and he is covered in mud, do you understand? PO-U-SHI! We are walking with him from the kindergarten, I am angry at how he carelessly responds to comments that all dirty things are washed in a typewriter. A year later, go to school, and my hero does not have time to follow the dirt sticking to his clothes.
Absolutely not sharing my frustration, the son, delighted to meet him, says: "Well, why, will you buy me juice today?" "Not!" - barked in response. Why barked? Because it’s not me, but inside me everything is seething with discontent that again a lot of time will have to be spent on washing and drying and washing off the dirt … So the first and most important word of my psychic came out.
Stubbornness as a protest
Then there was a theatrical performance based on the fairy tale: "Why not?" "When is it?" and "I want it now!" Not at all like male behavior, in my opinion. But, as a true owner of logical thinking, I skillfully concocted a satisfying refusal to buy juice.
My man was silent for a little and began to talk about his. I thought: “Ugh, it has gone. I understand, I can see. However, a real man is like a walnut! Try to split it - impenetrable! The nut began to drag in a suspiciously slow way, looking around and … shuffling … This shuffling, frankly speaking, is a very big indicator that my little man is very, very unhappy.
I already know that if this person endowed with sheep's tenacity does not agree, then special measures are needed. You can't knock out a wedge with a wedge! This is such perseverance with which they go ahead. This is the stubbornness with which they do the most tedious things and bring them to the end. These are those golden qualities that I myself sometimes lack so much. And here he is, without looking at the fact that I am his mother, uses his weapon. His step slows down, the shuffling grows louder, and in the end he refuses to go with me on business …
At first I try to act in an old-fashioned way, asking what the matter is, but a real man will only hum in response, folding his arms over his chest and looking sullenly. Standing in the middle of the road, I almost accept defeat, for it seems that this nut is too tough for me.
A way to avoid stubbornness
But! I know that in such a situation, I have two trump system options:
- Surrender to his persistence and do as he wants. He will then be reassured and, having stopped his vile shuffling, will go to the store. But then I will feel flawed. I argued my refusal to buy juice.
- Asking forgiveness for the wrongs inflicted and trying to negotiate. Frankly apologizing is too vulgar in this case, but you can show that I am wrong. Besides, I understand that it's not about the juice at all. The point is in the tone of my iron "No!", Literally escaping from my throat. Real men adore their mothers and, of course, any unkind, rude and offensive word hurts their sensitive masculine soul.
Persuasion-conversations will not help here. This stubborn type cannot be got by with the benefits of going on business with me. This is flint, not a guy, he does not even agree to the bait with grapes (where has it been, he loves him so much!). Then I start my systemic offensive.
The stubborn child turns …
Obviously, my tough nut immediately senses my apologetic, guilty tone and desire to negotiate. Standing in the middle of the road, I confess that I cannot walk calmly when such a gorgeous man is so unbearably sad. I ask where he wants to go, and explain where we need to go. We agree on how to get things done as soon as possible. At the same time, I know that you should not rush this guy with an answer. I am waiting.
He, slightly turning away, thinks for a while over my proposals. Then he takes my hand and, kissing the glove, presses his whole body. I am forgiven and flattered. This is gallantry! Look for such men in the afternoon with fire! If we continue to be friends like this, then his wife will be very lucky. Indeed, in the upbringing of a man, everything comes from the mother - both resentment against women and the warmest attitude towards them.
So we are moving forward. All the work is done. Approaching the house, I remember that I prepared a surprise for him. Yes, not simple, but very valuable for a man with such properties. Entering the apartment, I do not have time to tell him - the big-eyed saw my gift himself.
The best reward for being dirty is cleanliness
And what could it be? Of course … slippers! This is the gift that will appeal only to a true connoisseur of home comfort, who loves to warm his slightly clumsy paws. Oh yeah! it was my victory! He appreciated not only the appearance, but also busily noted that the slippers were soft and comfortable.
The only thing I was worried about was that he wouldn't let his old favorite slippers be thrown away. It is difficult for him to part with old things. A real man is durable in his affections. Recently he didn’t let me throw out my little sandals - he decided to keep them for himself … Oh, this memory - it is phenomenal in both good and bad. Such are the properties of the psyche.
And now the most important thing: dirty clothes. All the way I thought about how it would be more correct to approach the question of washing. After all, only real men can wash themselves, and keep the house in order. My tough nut to crack for cleanliness. Moreover, different levels of cleanliness are important - physical, in relationships, and in the future - in business.
Of course, at this age, he does not keep all his things in perfect order. He gets dirty, selflessly playing, painting and even at dinner. But the cleansing process is sacred!
Since our conflict was settled, and even the slippers made me happy, my man boldly and without talking starts washing his pants. He's not the first time to wash, but more on the little things. And here are the pants. We quickly figured out how to find and effectively wash dirty knees. And I leave him alone with the basin.
The structure of his psyche is such that he does everything slowly, as if deliberately slowly. This gives birth to real quality. On the contrary, I do everything quickly, I have time to do a lot. But I know that this is a very valuable experience for the future of a truly neat man. Washing takes about half an hour. I am waiting.
Cleansing for joy
Seeing the undisguised pleasure of the process, I decide to play for high stakes. Satisfied with the result, but a little tired son agrees to wash his dirty shoes! This is luck! In order not to lose enthusiasm, I play along with him, sounding laughing happy boots. Oh, how glad they are that their master is looking after them, because they serve him faithfully and so love cleanliness.
Laughing with pleasure, he wipes them with a cloth, and I discreetly take pictures of him at work. These are the changes in the face: from laughter to an impossibly focused face and back. I have ecstasy, you don't often see this - this is the birth of a personality.
So, the boots have been washed, smeared with special means and they are sending words of gratitude to my son. And he still has things to do. And what kind. He is going to visit the room of reverie to perform the act of cleansing. Ha, someone will think, what's wrong with that !? Yes, it was not so! After all, only the most assiduous, unhurried, clean-cut future men give this action a special status.
Today he chose Krylov's fables and headed to the toilet. No, a child with a book on the toilet is not a disgrace - he is a future professional in his field, capable of constructive criticism (which, by the way, is also an act of cleansing, but on a different level). I know that everything started must be completed.
It will take exactly as much time as it needs to complete the process. At this time, the correct consolidation of cleansing skills occurs in his brain. This pleasant and rewarding process will play an important role in his future life. Having sat down a lot, stretching numb legs, the child prepares to wash.
Praise as motivation
I, hiding smiles (you can't laugh, everything is serious), propose to take Piggy (this is a washcloth on your hand). A real man washes himself, Piggy only prompts the sequence of actions, grunting cheerfully, encouraging and praising his master for the shock work of this evening. Correct timely praise is the basis for the harmonious development of real men, as well as immunity from resentment.
The main thing here is not to overdo it. Piggy, by the way, knows how to praise correctly - exactly as much as has been done, no more, no less. Not only does the process of purification itself bring joy. Competent praise doubles it, making the process even more joyful and meaningful.
Understanding the properties of a child is the key not only to cleanliness
All sorts of cleaning procedures are over. Die hard ready to go to bed. But he is so strong that after all this he does not forget about the ritual bedtime stories. Real men don't like to change their habits.
Falling asleep, he always says: "Mom, you're good." I know what you mean, son. You are good. Your innate desire to be the best has been fulfilled today. Inborn values take on the color of real life. But how many more stories we have ahead of us!
Raising a man - systemically
Where do you think real men come from? That's right - from the right moms and dads. And how are these funny little peasants grown into real men? With the help of understanding by us, parents, the properties of the psyche of their child, as well as their properties.
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows that there are eight types of individuals with their own desires and aspirations, called vectors. Each vector develops from its opposite. For example, from dirty to clean.
The kid, possessing all the properties described above, has the so-called anal vector (the manifestations of this nature were first described by Freud). Understanding what the child is guided by in his behavior, we can direct the development of his properties in the right direction.
The value system of people with an anal vector is aimed at family, women, children, home comfort, professionalism. They are true home keepers, devoted spouses and loving fathers. These are unhurried scrupulous keepers of information, inclined to pass on the accumulated experience, doing their work slowly but efficiently.
A real man does everything slowly
The property of the human psyche with an anal vector is the inability to make quick changes - rigidity, stuckness. All his activities are aimed at uniform scrupulous high-quality performance of tasks. From here comes stubbornness - this is a kind of stop-cock, which speaks of a failure of the usual comfortable rhythm.
Thirst for knowledge, perseverance and the ability to perceive information, systematizing at the entrance, makes them standouts, gold medalists and top-class professionals. A good memory, meticulousness, a love of clarifications - this is what no historian, scientist, good teacher, and so on can do without.
Remarkable stubbornness helps to achieve great success, without giving up the case halfway, bringing it to the point. Stubbornness is nothing more than a personality trait that, with the right approach, is beneficial.
Memory is the pride of a real man
Memory is the cornerstone in understanding the essence of this vector. Possessing a phenomenal memory, being able to accumulate and organize information, such people are inclined to teach others - passing on the accumulated knowledge.
Memory plays the most important role in the life of a little man - all joys, victories and all defeats, insults remain forever in the memory.
It is such people who can remember themselves from an early age, keeping in their memory the details of long-past resentments or joys. An excellent memory is not only the ability to possess a large amount of information, but also the ability to return to the past, experiencing emotions that have touched the soul, increasing them in volume.
The ability to be offended is the opposite of the ability to feel guilty. If the anal child is offended (not given enough, not praised), he instantly becomes stubborn and will certainly declare his insult, looking sideways, crossing his arms on his chest, or defiantly reread any suggestions.
We can correct the situation, return the child to balance by apologizing (from the heart!), And best of all right away, before the resentment has numbed. A cool thing - a phenomenal memory - will not let him forget the insult. It will remain invisible to the eye and will increase over time. And then suddenly it will pour out at the opportunity, introducing us to amazement.
The flip side of the coin is guilt. A person with the properties of an anal vector does not allow himself to offend other people, he will always apologize, feeling guilty (in case he sees that he was wrong, offended).
Mom is sacred
Oh, it's not for nothing that my hero, in a tide of tenderness, so lovingly tells me: "My wife!" There is nothing to be surprised at - these values were laid in him from birth. It is important to understand that the relationship with his mother will directly affect his future relationships with women.
A child with an anal vector is not very confident in itself. He is driven and needs support. Therefore, it is very important for him that his mother can properly support and guide him in time, without scolding him for “confusion” and “sluggishness”. With the right development, indecision goes away, instead of it there remains a feeling of confidence, the universe of mom.
Growing up, a man with an anal vector never forgets about his mother, whether she is bad (insult will not let her forget) or good (gratitude for life). By projecting the image of a mother onto all women, such a man becomes a real family man who adores his wife and children, ready for anything for them. However, otherwise, a family sadist grows up, avenging his grievances.
Mom is the first impression of the world for a little man, it should be postponed by a sense of security, security and support. By the way, an indicator of a wrong relationship between a mother and a child with an anal vector is not only resentment and stubbornness, but also frequent constipation.
Systemic tips for properly raising a man
To avoid big and small mistakes in raising an anal child, you can be guided by a few simple, but very important systemic rules:
- You should not rush him in any business. Let him finish. Slowness and thoroughness is a property of the psyche that allows you to do one thing qualitatively, and not a lot of things somehow. It is difficult for such a child to start new things, and if you pull and break, not allowing you to finish what you started, it will be even more difficult. Letting me think, finishing the game, calmly getting myself together - first aid for future adequacy. Not realizing that a child with this type of psyche cannot be rushed, urged, forced and ridiculed, we inflict traumas that will sprout with uncertainty, difficulty in making a choice, strong resentments, and sometimes sadism.
- Natural lack of confidence in undertakings should be compensated by mother's support. A small anal man often looks like a sissy because of her affection for her mother. Everywhere he wants to get her approval, recognition and support. Not a step away from my mother, she tries to obey, like a good girl. It is better to start all new things together, gradually giving more initiative to the child, but you should not leave him if he asks for help and is not yet ready to cope alone.
- Thank him. Gratitude is a big topic that runs like a red thread in the lives of such people. Your desire to be good will be earned by HONEST work. Say "thank you" more often, it will come back with genuine gratitude of a small heart. Not noticing or ignoring this means cultivating resentment, because of which an adult offended man will not be able to live a full and happy life.
- Praise correctly. Praise is an indicator of goodness for an anal child. He always wants to be good. Trying with his behavior, attitude, trying to show it, of course, he expects feedback - praise. Such a child can and should be praised - this gives him self-confidence and a desire to try harder. However, do not overdo it - excess or exaggerated praise will play a cruel joke. An over-praised child can get hooked on praise and will seek it by any action. Praise is a way of showing the right thing to do, not a carrot for good behavior. It should be clearly weighed - neither more nor less of what is deserved.
- Do not try to make a sporty nimble leader out of a calm, balanced domestic man. All properties that are laid in a person from birth must be realized in life. But if we try to impose something that does not exist, we will get an unhappy child who is not able to do either what is peculiar to him or what is imposed.
If you define such qualities in your little man, then congratulations, because you have a great future and the hope of little women in your hands. How often do we hear that "there are no normal men left"? They remained, did not disappear anywhere. We have a chance and a tool to raise an independent real man.
If you have a completely different boy in front of you - nimble, restless, impudent - also congratulations. This owner of the cutaneous vector is eager to be the first. How to raise a real manager, earner and a great leader? You can find out the answer to this question at the next free online classes, come.
