Why do people cheat
Once a change happens once, and it lays its imprint on the rest of your life. Disappointment and resentment are doing their job and even after years they do not give a sigh of calm, trust and open up to new relationships, or simply forgive a loved one. The betrayal of a loved one is one of the most terrible events in the life of anyone … Can betrayal be forgiven?
Cheating often takes us by surprise. We also live in the turmoil of days behind a mountain of deeds and thoughts, we prefer not to think about what should not happen. We believe so desperately that we will not fall into these sad statistics that sometimes we miss the time when something else can be prevented. We are not waiting for her. She herself bursts into our life and sweeps away everything that was so dear to us on her way: love, trust, mutual understanding. And we ourselves find ourselves standing on the edge of an abyss, unable to understand how this happened? Why do people cheat?
We are especially hurt by the betrayal of a wife or a betrayal of a husband. If you find out about treason - what to do?..
Each of us guesses how to find out treason. But not everyone understands what the psychology of treason depends on.
Once a change happens once, and it lays its imprint on the rest of your life. Disappointment and resentment are doing their job and even after years they do not give a sigh of calm, trust and open up to new relationships, or simply forgive a loved one. The betrayal of a loved one is one of the most terrible events in the life of anyone … Can betrayal be forgiven?
Time will dull this pain a little, but the fear of going through it once again remains with us, sometimes turning into an omnipresent shadow of doubts and suspicions that, like a worm, grind our relationship from the inside. How to define treason?
How to break the vicious circle? Where to find the reasons for treason? Why did this happen and who is to blame?
Where to find the strength to survive the betrayal of her husband? And how to live after her husband's betrayal? And most importantly - how to maintain peace of mind, stop suffering, torment yourself and your spouse, get rid of the fear of relapse, live fully and enjoy life? What are the signs of cheating on your husband?
We will try to answer these questions.
Who you really are
First of all, you need to understand why cheating affects you so much. After all, there are a lot of people who turn a blind eye to the betrayal of a partner, they choose not to know it. The so-called "swinging" is also becoming popular, when spouses voluntarily engage in sexual contact with other couples. There are also husbands who walk right and left, proud that the wife is aware of what is happening and is not against it. How do you figure this out?
It is believed that we are all different. Therefore, there is no point in trying to understand each other. However, we have built cities, we live together, in a word, we somehow understand each other and find a common language. At the other extreme, thinking that we are all the same, judge people by ourselves. Hence the phrases "here I would be in your place" or "I don't understand how it is possible, here I am …". A monogamous person is unable to forgive betrayal, since loyalty is his innate quality! A person who does not have such qualities judges through himself, he cannot understand in any way why everyone is running around with this physical betrayal? “Well spent one night with another woman, so what? I live with my wife! Besides, such meetings on the side only add zest to the relationship."
Yuri Burlan's training "System-vector psychology" introduces us to the latest discoveries in the world of psychology, for the first time allowing us to see and understand the reasons for actions, thoughts, feelings and emotions. Their roots lie in the unconscious. Describing a person systematically, that is, eight-dimensional, differentiating into eight vectors, one can unmistakably explain how a person behaves and in what categories he thinks.
Seeing a person and their sexuality at first sight is not a fantasy! You will no longer have to spend two or three years of your life to understand that this is not your person! Life is not endless, we simply do not have time to waste these years. Each negative experience carries with it disappointments, which we project onto the following relationship: "Well, it didn't work out again." After each such experience, we think that now we have become smarter, that we will not make past mistakes. And yet history repeats itself anew. Without realizing it, we choose partners of the same type, living our life scenario with them again and again …
How to get out of this vicious circle? The key to this is at the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan. So what are these vectors?
A vector is a certain set of desires and properties given to a person from birth. All eight vectors are divided into the so-called "upper" and "lower", each vector has a special type of building relationships in a pair.
"Lower" vectors: Cutaneous, Anal, Urethral and Muscular. They are responsible for a person's libido, for his sexuality, and determine attraction. Upper vectors: Sight, Sound, Olfactory and Oral. They give a certain color to relationships: emotional, intellectual, spiritual closeness, as well as love (or lack of it).
A person's attitude to cheating is determined by a vector set
How a person suffers betrayal, how he relates to this and whether he is able to change himself, depends on his vector set. Men and women experience cheating differently due to the different tasks they perform in the world.
The role of men and women is clearly visible in the example of the primitive flock. Only by removing the layer of culture and civilization (where we feel safe, free to think and act as we please), we can understand the true aspirations of our animal "I". The men of the pack hunted for food and brought it into the house. Women at this time remained in caves, gave birth and raised children. Both those and others thus guaranteed the survival and development of the pack.
Even in the modern world, the attitude of men and women to betrayal is determined by their natural roles and therefore so different. For women, this is a subconscious fear of losing a breadwinner, and with it providing for themselves and their children. For a man, this is the risk of not passing on his gene pool into the future. Men always consider an attack on their woman as an insult. The rest of the perception and propensity to cheat in men and women are vector-based.
Let's try to understand how the “lower” vectors react to betrayal. In this article, we will try to draw a basic picture, which is not complete, since in the modern world people are mostly polymorphic, that is, they have several vectors at once. This complicates the task, however, knowing the "alphabet" of vectors, you can, like a constructor, assemble more complex buildings. Mixing vectors are discussed in detail at the second level of the training "System-vector psychology" by Yuri Burlan.
Attitude towards cheating representatives of the skin vector
One of the distinguishing features of people with the Skin vector is their ability to easily and naturally perceive changes, quickly find solutions, which is the result of a flexible and mobile psyche. The only thing that can make the leatherman get covered with red spots is the loss of money, things, material values, and also everything else that, as he believes, rightfully belongs to him, including his husband or wife. Kozhnik is the main owner. This makes him a passionate jealous person.
The leather worker always suspects a partner of treason. The reason for this is that skinners themselves are prone to adultery, and, as we already know, like other people, they often judge others by themselves. It's all about libido, the frequency and strength of desire, which manifests itself as a craving for sexual contacts. Cutaneous libido is unique in its kind, but less powerful than libido in the Urethral or Anal vector.
In terms of the number of sexual partners, leather workers beat all records, but with one partner, it is quite difficult for them to maintain a desire for a long time. The most exciting factor for them is the factor of novelty. With a relatively low libido, dermal men have sufficient ambition and outstanding ability to achieve goals in business and career. And it is precisely thanks to the acquisition of social significance that they are able to compete with other men with great libido. They attract and keep women by their ability and ability to earn money. An interesting fact is that (subject to constant sexual satisfaction) ambition is noticeably reduced and ceases to play such an important role in the life of a skin man.
Skin women often have lovers themselves and do not perceive cheating so tragically, unless it jeopardizes their marriage. Their female infidelity is rather a nuisance from which, with the right approach, you can even benefit, for example, receive material compensation in the form of an expensivet or a long-awaited trip.
More detailed scenarios of relationships in a pair of a woman with a skin vector are considered at the trainings of Yuri Burlan "System-Vector Psychology".
Sexuality of the urethral vector
A completely different sexuality in people with the Urethral vector, who are naturally polygamous. The concepts of marriage and fidelity simply do not exist for them, they are outside of this framework. That is, they, of course, can marry, but one should not expect swan fidelity from them.
Polygamy is a complex concept that does not imply countless partners. It is easy to confuse urethral polygamy with skin inconstancy, but the reasons and motives leading to cheating are completely different for such people.
In the Urethral vector, libido is the highest. If we draw a rough analogy with the animal world, then the owner of the Urethral vector is a “bull-producer”, the most temperamental and always ready for action. These qualities in the Urethral vector are not accidental and are due to its specific role, natural purpose. The urethral is the leader of the pack, responsible for the procreation, which is why he has natural polygamy. However, it is a big mistake to believe that polygamy will cause constant change of partners. The urethral person has the highest libido. If a suitable partner appears, it is able to bind him to the object of passion, and this passion will be maintained for three years at the level of attraction. During these three years, the couple has a chance to build additional bonds at the level of emotional, intellectual,spiritual closeness (depending on the upper vectors). If this does not happen, urethral polygamy takes effect again.
The attitude of the urethral person to cheating is a special topic. Such people are extremely attractive to members of the opposite sex, their pheromones are so strong that they can not only attract, but also cause a certain dependence; they follow such people, they strive for them, and do not leave them. The urethral is hot, passionate and impetuous, the only possible reaction that can be expected from them in case of infidelity is an instant bright flash of anger … which passes as quickly as it appears, the emotional memory will last no more than two or three days.
Cheating on a guy for a urethral woman is a violation of rank, betrayal and can cause pain, a feeling of humiliation. The situation of betrayal arises only in a pair with a skin man, who, by his nature, gradually begins to feel its dominance as a counterbalance to his own significance, as his own inferiority. It is very difficult for a urethral woman to break off such a relationship. But if she decides to do this, then it happens in an instant and is already irrevocable. And it remains only to wait out the first days of the thrill of loss in order to recover and start living on.
Muscle vector - everything should be "human"
The muscle vector is the fundamental basis of humanity. These are the people closest to nature, those whose noble simplicity sometimes even touches the sophisticated city public. Most often these are villagers, powerful and hardy, people of hard physical labor. Their distinctive feature is the perception of their own "I". They feel themselves to be a part of the collective, not a separate unit of it, the concept of "I" does not exist for them, they feel themselves as "WE". They have visual-active thinking, exactly follow the laws and rules that are accepted in the society in which they live. They act like everyone else, they don't have their own opinion. They live in marriage all their lives, go about their business, in which they prefer monotony and predictability. Monotony in everything is the greatest comfort for a person with a Muscle vector.
Obviously, for them there is not even a question of treason. Cheating on the bride, future or present wife - they don't need it. Why leave such a comfortable state, especially if it is not accepted in society. Muscular men are generally suspicious of sex, for them everything should be "human". If with a wife, then yes, and so - no. This suspicion has its root causes, and for now we will not delve into this topic.
The reaction of a muscle man to betrayal will always depend on who is next to him at that moment, what advice he will receive, because he will always come for him to a close friend.
Cheating is the hardest thing for the anal vector
Finally, we got to those who endure treason the hardest, for whom infidelity is pain and resentment for life. To those who cannot accept and let go.
We are talking about those people for whom the words "loyalty" and "devotion" are not just words, but a system of values. For such people, family, home, children, marriage are not only desirable attributes for a full life, but without which existence has no meaning.
For them, cheating on a woman is a ruin. And if it's also cheating with a friend ?!
The whole world collapses in one moment. It is impossible to describe what the representative of the Anal vector feels in case of betrayal - this is unbearable suffering, this is a dull heart and mental pain, this is the earth that has gone from under his feet. It is a lump in the throat that does not allow breathing, and the mind refuses to believe. "No, this is not with me, this cannot be!" The heart will now burst into pieces and freeze with a silent question "For what ?!"
Betrayal of a loved one - adultery - like a knife in the back, like a blow to the face. But worst of all is lies, pretense and hypocrisy. How can you bear it, how to live with it further? It seems that even killing is not enough for this, not that forgiving … But how to forgive? How can I forget? Can such wounds heal? How to live with this further ?!
Pain, despair and resentment, fear and misunderstanding rage in the torn soul. And this incredible cocktail makes you want to howl and climb on the wall, but first smear this villain (or villain) on it. But you shouldn't get dirty, right?
Why is this happening, why exactly people with the Anal vector are so hard to endure cheating?
They are naturally monogamous. To understand why, let's take a short excursion into history again, where muscle warrior-hunters and skin hunter-alimentators, led by a urethral leader, have already moved on to hunt for a mammoth. The men left, and the safety of the women and children who remained in the cave was threatened - enemies and wild animals are just waiting in the wings! But nature is wise and, in order to prevent this, created special men, the very ones with the Anal vector, who remained in the cave and took care of women and children. They are born "cave-neighbors", and even today there can be nothing better than their home for them.
“So what does monogamy have to do with it?” You ask. It's simple. Such men were left alone with many women and, not even an hour, could take advantage of this. Then the gene pool of men who went to war and hunt would have gone into oblivion. Thus, the natural mechanism made sure that the men with the Anal vector were monogamous, loyal to only one woman. That is who will not change, will not betray! This is who will remain faithful for life, even in our time, full of temptations.
When I myself am faithful, I demand the same from others! I do not understand that they may not have this innate value, innate monogamous sexuality, that they are not able to understand how much pain the betrayal of a loved one causes me.
A realized analist is a decent and respected citizen, a loyal and caring husband, a reliable and efficient worker, the most obedient and diligent student in the class, often an excellent student. His good memory contributes a lot to this. He learns information for a long time and thoroughly, but forever. He will never forget the good done to him, but he will also remember the evil for a long time, and even more so the betrayal, contrary to his values and his truth of life. He is not able to forget this.
The anal person is monogamous, but here, as in any rule, there are exceptions. Strongest sexual frustration or, more simply, dissatisfaction can play a cruel joke with him. These are the people who are the main clients of women of easy virtue. Moreover, the tendency to pedophilia and homosexuality is also observed in men with the Anal vector. How this happens is explained in Yuri Burlan's introductory lectures "System-Vector Psychology", and is also discussed in detail at all levels of training.
There are also frequent cases when an anal-visual man has a mistress, torn between two families for years, unable to make a choice, and not really wanting to make it. In his understanding, he continues to remain monogamous, but only now he remains faithful not to one, but to two. For him, love and betrayal go hand in hand at that moment.
It is quite natural that after treason such a person is in a very serious condition. It is easier and faster to get out of this state thanks to the awareness of the processes that take place in his subconscious.
What to do next?
If we have understood the causes and consequences of betrayal, the question remains, what to do next, what to do with the half who stumbled? If you forgive, then how to behave later, what to consider and what lessons to learn? Perhaps you will realize that you are not able to forgive the betrayal - and separation will be the only possible solution. Then new questions arise about how to choose a partner that is right for you, because we do not want to constantly step on the same rake.
"System-vector psychology" has data on which vectors are most suitable for each other, cause attraction, and also reveals such an important aspect of relationships as sexual preferences, desires and fantasies in all vectors and mixtures.
If you apply this knowledge in practice, the probability of betrayal will tend to zero. And, having ceased to think how to convict of treason, we find out its reason. It is not entirely correct to identify congenital psychotypes based on short descriptions, this often leads to erroneous conclusions. At the training of Yuri Burlan, you can quickly learn to distinguish any person from just one glance, while absolutely understanding who he is and what he is capable of. Know more about him and about his sexuality than he knows about himself.
You now have a choice. The decision to know it or not to know, as always, is yours.
