Boy-not-Kibalchish. How to avoid becoming a victim
The most common victim in children's groups is the skin-visual boy. If it is not there, the object of common dislike becomes the one who stands out. Unusual name, rare appearance, accent, nationality, any other peculiarities or differences may cause attacks. But not because children are angry and they need an object for bullying. The point is different.
Since childhood, he was an open, sociable boy, he made contact with everyone, strove to be friends and was always so happy with new friends. But instead of friendly relations, he was mocked, teased, bullied.
Weak, with a slender build, he had no addiction to sports and was often ill. He was afraid of his offenders, did not know how to stand up for himself and began to come home with bruises.
From an open and sociable boy, he turned into a twitchy and fearful animal. I was afraid to go to school and go out into the yard.
What to do? How can I help my child?
Who are they friends against?
The most common victim in children's groups is the skin-visual boy. If it is not there, the object of common dislike becomes the one who stands out. Unusual name, rare appearance, accent, nationality, any other peculiarities or differences may cause attacks. But not because children are angry and they need an object for bullying. The point is different.
Any group of children is an example of primitive human relationships, like the primitive flock. Children are just beginning to develop, trying themselves, trying to build relationships, make mistakes, correct them. This is a process. They learn very quickly, but in order to move to the level of communication of modern people, they certainly need adults. As a good example, as mentors. Otherwise, they will remain at the level of "who is stronger is right."
The one who is different from everyone is the “easiest prey”, because the reason for ridicule is already ready. And if adults do not intervene, the bullying process can take a long time and go far enough.
Read more about children's groups here. And we will talk about the skin-visual boy and how he can avoid the role of the victim.
Skin-visual boy
It's an emotion child, an open heart child. Dreamer and artist, dancer and fashionista. Yes, he needs a relationship, an emotional connection with friends. And he holds on to her with all his might, trying to keep himself in the flock of his peers. He is naturally very sociable, outgoing and impressionable.
It is possible and necessary to develop the emotional sphere in it. In this case, he will bypass everyone with his sensuality.
Read more about the global role of skin-visual men in culture here.
And he can get used to the role of constant victim, and this will be the most unfortunate scenario for life.
When the emphasis is on the development of sensuality, success is guaranteed to him, since here his potential is much higher than that of everyone else. Musical instruments, vocals, dancing, acting - this is his "strong point".
Winning first place in a dance competition, performing at a school concert, playing a popular hit on the guitar in the yard - and … peer and adult approval is guaranteed, girls' attention is guaranteed, self-esteem is preserved, and popularity is growing. Now he is "his" in any company, because, as you know, "the pianist is not shot."
Give back, stand up for yourself - this is not about him. But not because he is a "rag", but because he is outside of all this, he is outside of this kind of relationship. He is different and therefore unable to hit another person, inflict pain, take life. There can be nothing higher than the value of life for him.
For this reason, the optimal company for raising a skin-visual boy - a girl. It is in women's society that he will learn to perceive himself as a man, a gallant gentleman, a partner in dance, on stage, in a duet.
In addition, he is most interesting with girls: playing mother-daughters (learns to show tenderness and attention), picking flowers, admiring butterflies (he will notice beauty in everything and will be able to convey it in creativity), build sand castles, ride girls on swings, play hide and seek, draw, sculpt, cut and the like.
A stranger among his own
In the company of boys, on the other hand, he will increasingly assert himself in the thought that he is not a boy. He does not know how to fight, he cannot stand up for himself, the weakest in the company, whiny, vulnerable and tender. Like a girl. But this is not so - he is a real boy, a future man, husband and father. Perhaps a famous actor, a popular singer, an outstanding musician, a talented dancer and… he can show his potential if he learns to show his feelings.
Therefore, in no case should you prohibit or scold him for crying, showing his feelings. On the contrary, let him bring his emotions out, speak them out, show, explain why he is upset or why he is so happy. It is best to channel his feelings into the channel of compassion, empathy for another person. This approach provides an incredible impetus for the development of sensuality - precisely the area in which the skin-visual boy is potentially stronger than others.
Attempts to grow a "man" out of him, applying a harsh male upbringing, teaching martial arts or power sports, lead to only one thing - the consolidation of a state of fear and the emergence of erroneous thoughts about sex change, striving for homosexual relationships.
Today, while he is small, the company of boys is not his environment, here he is the last, but the dance studio, where boy partners are snapped up, is the thing.
The future of culture
A skin-visual boy is a man of the future who does not sort things out with his fists, but is able to become an example of sensuality for all of us. This is exactly the case when beauty, love, kindness will save the world. The level of development of the emotional sphere of the skin-visual boy determines his fate, directs his life, makes his happiness. The amplitude of such a person's sensuality reaches such heights that he is able to play Hamlet on the stage of the Bolshoi Theater or turn the history of male ballet, express emotion in a song, or receive an Oscar for Best Actor.
Yes, now, in childhood, in the conditions of a "primitive flock" of only developing personalities, he is forced to survive in any way, because no one wants to be an outcast. But the faster its development goes, the faster it will take another place in the social community, and far from the very last.
Unfortunately, today many visual-skinned boys grow up immersed in a state of fear. We see already adult men fixated on themselves, their appearance, their experiences, striving for one thing - to attract attention to themselves in any way. Flashy clothes, extravagant jewelry, bright tattoos, defiant behavior.
And behind all this is emptiness. Complete incapacity for compassion, complete indifference to others, absolute lack of understanding of either one's own desires or the feelings of another person. One all-consuming fear for one's own life bursting from the subconscious, almost horror, pushing on anything, even on homosexual relationships, just to feel safe.
Raising a skin-visual boy is both easy and difficult. It's like growing the most delicate, quivering and rare flower in a harsh climate. It is easy and pleasant to love him at home, in the family, he is affectionate and loving. But he must live in a big world, and he must be able to do it in such a way as to receive pleasure from life. His forte is sensuality, his biggest enemy is fear. We develop the first, we protect from the second.
And, perhaps, it is his love that will change our insensitive and cruel world.
