How to stop getting horny
The world stimulates, excites, teases. The person is excited. This means that he wants something and can do something. Trying to suppress attraction means going against yourself and depriving yourself of the vitality that is given to us for action …
The world is sexy. From all sides promise, show or mean sex. "Sex Sells!" - the motto of our era - the era of consumption.
How to stop getting excited in the world of deliberately bare shoulders, parted lips, frank conversations, alluring aromas and languid voices?
Homo sexualem. Libido in psychoanalysis
We are sexy. The most asexual person in the world is sexy as long as he is alive and not in a coma. Libido is the attraction to pleasure, initially sexual.
Attempts to relieve arousal by acting on the body can help in some episodes, but will never solve the problem of constant or frequent arousal. The psyche is primary, desires live by us. The body is only a carrier, and bodily manifestations are consequences of the life of the soul.
The psyche consists of desires, varied in volume and having their own hierarchy. The desire to fill them and pushes us to action.
What is the main feature of these desires? The fact that they are unconscious. We are not yet aware of their larger volume. The conscious superstructure is later, subtle and is not able to directly influence desires. In some cases, we can consciously restrain ourselves. We cannot cancel the desire.
That is why such methods of dealing with arousal as trying not to think about sex, to distract, to think about something else, do not work. Consciousness and thought are a consequence of desires, ideally leading to their fulfillment.
Soul excitement. The connection between psyche and physiology
Excitement is a kind of activity of our soul, the life of which consists of receiving pleasure.
Even Freud discovered that growing up a person is directly related to the development of his sexuality. The sexuality of a child, in addition to naive ideas about the origin of children, is different in that a partner is not needed to satisfy arousal. The need for a pair is a sign of mature sexuality.
At the training "System-vector psychology" Yuri Burlan shows how innate mental properties - vectors - are manifested in the body by increased sensitivity of individual zones. The visible sensitivity of the body always correlates with the psyche - invisible, but manifested in sensations. The flexibility of the body also means mental flexibility, absolute pitch is accompanied by the ability to think abstractly, and the sensitivity of the eyes and tearfulness is associated with the sensitivity of the soul. And so in all eight vectors.
The development of the psyche begins at the base of the body. For example, while enjoying the cleansing of the intestines, a child with an anal vector strives for perfect cleanliness both around him, and in thoughts and relationships. In the same way, delays are formed: having received pain instead of affection, a small skinner risks becoming a masochist, and hearing a rumble and din instead of silence and whisper, a sound genius can become mentally retarded or, God forbid, an autist or schizophrenic.
The psychic potential can grow and develop in only one way - through doubling the pleasure received. We are never satisfied with what we receive for long. Having received what we want, we want more.
Arousal is a willingness to receive pleasure. This is an awakened desire that requires fulfillment.
We can prescribe sex with anything - sin, medicine, entertainment. Only in the form conceived by nature, he was and remains a blessing, and our attitude to sex can say a lot about the state of the psyche.
Desires are given to be fulfilled. It is not customary to talk about sexual desires, and this is a sign of our development. Adult developed sexuality implies intimacy, this is the secret of two. Sexual maturity requires a partner, and the higher the maturity, the higher the relationship between the two. Coitus is the highest form of interaction between a man and a woman. Orgasm is the brightest of pleasures. If the partners are suitable for each other and they managed to create a love relationship, then this happiness becomes even more fulfilling and stable.
Sexuality continues to evolve, so does relationships. And what seemed surprising, strange or forbidden until recently is becoming the norm today. The power of desire grows, and so that the rejected need does not turn into pain or illness, it is important to know these needs and be able to fulfill them. Relationships are the very space where this can and should be done. Today, nothing is ashamed and nothing is prohibited if it is done by mutual consent and does not harm anyone.
You cannot take away the opportunity to enjoy yourself. In pleasures, in aspirations to them, we grow and develop.
How to learn to control arousal
Why the question arises - how to stop getting excited?
- We want to be the masters of our life and our desires. Consciously decide what to do, what to want and when.
- I can't build a relationship.
- We do not realize the eroticism given by nature.
To understand how to use the full power of our libido, it is necessary to examine our desires, they may not be what we imagine. Realized sexuality gives satisfaction and strength to live fully. With the awareness of inner reality, new opportunities appear.
Nature has created not only sexuality, but also its regulator. And it is different for men and women.
Female arousal
What is female arousal? This is the willingness to receive from a man security, safety, aliment and ejaculate. Today is also a pleasure.
The male psyche is giving, the female is receiving.
Man is a monogamous species, and this monogamy is provided by an ancient psychic mechanism - female shame. The taboo on getting intimacy and everything that precedes and accompanies it from more than one man from ancient times guaranteed a man confidence that, having chosen a woman, he would raise his children with her.
Shame is a sensual category, and female bashfulness is transmitted and read at an unconscious level. What is a taboo? This is not a deliberate prohibition, it is a lack of desire.
Today, due to mass social psychopathologies and the spread of false beliefs, shame is shifting from its natural place - and a woman is proud of her demand and is inspired by criminal advice to meet with several men, receiving treats and care from each. Why criminal? Because such behavior unconsciously pushes men with serious intentions away from a clever and beautiful woman, and a woman is left without the opportunity to maximize her heart and sexual potential. Which is for the protector, husband and lover all rolled into one.
The harm is doubled by the fact that, shifting, shame does not completely disappear - and false shame is formed. The girl begins to be ashamed to be sincere, the desire to love and get married.
How to stop girls getting aroused? Most likely, this is not the main question. When shame returns to its place, the girl's behavior becomes naturally bashful - this increases tenfold the chances of creating a long, lasting relationship and fully realizing her sexuality. Women have no taboo on attraction - and there are no natural barriers to the realization of any sexual desires and fantasies in the bedroom with a beloved, only and desired man.
Male arousal
What is male arousal? It is the willingness to give - protection, provision, ejaculate, and enjoyment. Who? To a woman.
Male attraction is naturally regulated by a taboo: normally, men do not desire those with whom healthy offspring is impossible. If mature women are aroused, this is absolutely normal. This speaks of mental health and, with a high probability, sexual dissatisfaction.
Libido is different for people with different vectors, and different frequency and intensity of contact is required for sexual satisfaction. The common thing here is that it is, in principle, difficult for a man to live alone - almost impossible. A man with any vectors and any peculiarities of libido needs a suitable partner, in the arms of which he can realize all the potential of arousal accumulated during the day in our teasing world. If you are attracted to a woman, then she is suitable for a relationship.
Force of action
The world stimulates, excites, teases. The person is excited. This means that he wants something and can do something. Trying to suppress attraction means going against yourself and depriving yourself of the vitality that is given to us for action.
What we can? Understand, realize, enjoy. Desires are not given to suppress them. Nature has a plan. We can consciously want something else, but only as long as we do not understand our own nature.
Knowing yourself, your desires allows you to perform the right actions - leading to satisfaction. We cannot cancel our sexuality, it is given to us for life and development. But we have the freedom to develop voluntarily and happily - and this is the path coordinated with nature.
